We’ve all experienced the heartache of a breakup at one point or another. It’s part of life and part of growing pains. Things become more complicated when children are involved especially if they are young. One of the things that I’ve noticed in our community is the dynamics of the breakup aftermath especially when the breakup fails to end amicably.
I will start by saying that there are men that fail to take their responsibility of supporting their children financially seriously. This is obviously not a good thing because outside of children needing a father figure in their lives to help shape them for the world, they also need things for their daily care, e.g. child care, food, clothes, etc. I do not condone what these men fail to do and we need some strong men to help guide these deadbeats. Women should not have to struggle to make ends meet especially if they are doing everything to take care of their children day in and day out. With that said, I will now move on to the topic at hand. In the same manner that I don’t condone the behavior of these men, I do not condone the behavior of women who use children for ransom.
I always hear two (2) things from young women who recently broke up with their “Baby Daddy” in our community. The first thing that I hear is “You’re never gonna see your kid again.” The second thing that I hear is “You’ll see your kids when you pay child support.”
Keeping children from their fathers is one of the most despicable acts that a woman can commit. I have seen this trend in our community over and over again and for over twenty (20) years and it needs to stop. Why is this acceptable practice in our community? It doesn’t matter whose is at fault for the breakup. As long as the breakup had nothing to do with physical or emotional abuse of the children it doesn’t matter. Life goes on.
I am not talking about women who say this in the best interest of their children. I’m sure that we are all intelligent enough to come up with two (2) dozen reasons where such a statement will be justified. I’m talking about the immature women who know that the only way to get back at a man is to hurt them by keeping them from their children. This is so wrong on so many levels.
I’ve known some men that were lousy husbands or live in boyfriends but were pretty damn good fathers who faced this situation. The children are not at fault. These are the mothers that I see as unfit. These are the mothers that have that venom inside of them and all because of a broken heart and or greed. I say greed because the court systems are there to assist them in securing child support so they can still allow these men to see their children while the court system decides the outcome. Instead, they make this irrational decision which confuses the children. How can this be in the best interest of the children?
You can’t blame these men for feeling like the children are pawns in this plot to secure money. Again, I believe that men must be held accountable for failure to pay child support. However women should also be held accountable for keeping their children away from the fathers and for using the children to secure child support. Men need to begin to educate themselves and stop believing that they don’t have any rights.
We also need experienced strong Latina women to step up and tell these younger women that keeping children away from their fathers is not in the best interest of the children. Lousy husbands doesn’t always equate to lousy fathers.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMCJ5zylCJ0]
by Nueve Rodriguez
About Being Latino Contributors
This a great piece because it is a neutral opinion specifically on a subject as delicate as this one. When the breakup of me and my oldest son’s mother came to be, I went to support enforcement so I can start paying child support. While going through the process of giving my information I asked what do I do so I can have visitations for my son because as the piece mentioned I was hearing the “you won’t see your kid” line. The only thing I was told was “we don’t do that here.” I never received any information on where and how. As you can imagine I was upset that I could not find a way and more upset no one would help but quick to garnish my wages. Happy to say though I see all my children on a regular basis and actively a loving part of their lives. Yes men can pay child support and still be able to live right. We just have to work a bit harder for it but regardless all that matters is that we take care of my children.
I normally do not respond with folks directly because as a writer, I consider my job to be 1) to spark interest and 2) to spark intelligent debate.
However, I was moved by your comments as well as the comments of everyone that was brave enough to share their personal stories.
The “You won’t see your kid” line is really the premise of my piece and I believe that it will be up to the elders in our community to tell these young ladies that there has to be a different way.
I am glad to see that things eventually worked out for you. It sounds like you are doing your job and your kids are capitalizing substantially.
Good luck and remember,
Pa’ Lante mi Gente!!!!! Siempre Pa’ Lante!
Nueve Rodriguez
I have seen far to many parents use their chlrdien as weapons following their divorce.Children of divorce have enough to deal with and this will only makes things worse. Fortunately, though, there is research that has shown that the negative effects of divorce can be minimised if the chlrdien do not see their parents fight and if they are afforded adequate contact with both parents.