When raised in a traditional household, the mentality drilled into a young Latina is that she must go to school, find a job, and find a husband. You get married, have children, and live happily ever after as husband and wife. While this sounds like a nice goal to have, there’s a serious flaw in the “find a husband” clause.
Finding a husband requires dating different men, but dating can be stressful for young Latinas. Many girls face strict rules and fierce resistance as they first attempt to spread their wings and enter the world of romantic relationships. And amid this struggle is the unspoken message that dating different men isn’t okay. That the goal is to find The One, not by being with one guy after another, but by magically, romantically, meeting your future partner quickly and easily, falling in love, staying together for years – and of course – all without giving it up.
There are problems with this thinking. It limits our daughters to choosing from a small pool of men at a young age. It encourages the fairytale fantasy of finding Prince Charming and being whisked away to happiness. And it leads to unfulfilling marriages.
Overprotective fathers, brothers, and even mothers, I’m talking to you: let your young women explore their options. Don’t force them to feel that dating is bad, or promiscuous. Don’t make it so difficult for your young girls to say, “No, I’m not settling. No, I’m not happy.” Give them the freedom – the green light – to discover who they are themselves, what they want and don’t want, and to fully understand what they are worth. True love isn’t something you usually find on the first try. You must be able to recognize it, as well as be ready for it.
How can we prepare our girls for the process of finding a mate? Through discussion and giving examples, but most importantly, by letting our girls learn from their mistakes. They have to fail a few times in order to succeed. Protect them too much, and they will marry the first guy who offers them what they think is the true jackpot – an engagement ring. With divorce rates being so high in these troubled times, allowing them to explore their options still might not lead to a lifelong marriage. But, at least you can allow them a fair shot at attaining their own happily ever after.
About Cindy Tovar
I completely agree our sexuality should be embraced not hidden and locked behind a door. I don’t care how many men my daughter(s) have to date as long as she finds a successful faithful loving and affectionate one.
Amen…too much strictness is bad and too much freedom is bad…there has to be some sort of balance…hispanic parents need to stop expecting their daughters to be virgin marys…it’s 2012 mi gente
WHAT!!!!! Preparing your daughter ?
exactly deff needs 2 be a balance, but yet their sons are treated like kings & can do know wrong i hate the double standards latino’s have..
Some protectiveness is valid but along with that are good examples at home..e.g. a healthy relationship between daughter and father since a father is the first man in a daughter’s life..and of course a healthy relationship between a mother and a father so that a daughter can based her future relationships on. Just my opinion.
That experiment hasn’t work. What’s next, incest to better prepare them for marriage?
As a father of two gorgeous daughters, and grand father of three girls I totally agree. This is century 21st but, A BIG BUT is we have to quit bringing the so call “Macho Man” attitude among our sons and teach them the gentleman attitude and not be abusive toward females.
Can I wait until my daughter is 30? All kidding aside…great article and very true!!!
Dating is the Devil!
Where was this article when I was growing up. When I was young I was told not to settle and be with one guy BUT when I tried playing the field, I was told I needed to settle down – people would think I was a slut. Lucky for me, I am strong willed and never listened. I dated and explored and settled down with a wonderful man – WHEN I was ready. Stop living in the past closed minded people. Dating different people does not equal promiscuous.
The job of the parent is to protect the child. Once they turn 18, they are legal adults and can do as they wish. However, just becoming an adult does not make them seasoned adults. We have to nurture our children into being decent moral people.
This one hit home for me!
Totally agree!!! I grew up in an overprotective household and even in my 20′s felt like I shouldn’t have a boyfriend. I HATE THE DOUBLE STANDARD!!! Now that I have children I don’t know how I’m going to handle this issue with them. Cant give them too much freedom or too much protection, I have to find a good balance
Balance is key-but young lady’s admiring Kim Kardashians and Chris Browns in present day it’s really tough raising a Daughter. I am a Godfather and Uncle to my niece and always advise her on things like Men and life. I keep it real with her and let her know how Men think.
Good Article