A family member accused me of endangering my children. According to this person, without a religious framework in which to raise my little desafortunados, I risk, (gasp!) damning them to eternal hell or – worse yet – subjecting the “good” people in the world to my ruthless heathens.
Photo by Idea Go
There is no way to raise ethical, kind, responsible children without threatening them with the wrath of an invisible being, I was informed. I countered that scaring people into behaving according to a code of conduct out of fear of winning a ticket to a perpetual spot on a broiler and being poked by the horned one, does not speak well about the solid foundation for that particular code.
Doing “right” for the sake of what is right and not simply to make it past the divine velvet rope, thereby avoiding becoming the next well-done entree for Lucifer seems inherently better to me. So, is it possible to raise enlightened individuals without the use of the big G-o-d?
I first encountered this question when a friend was going through the admittedly successful 12-step program to manage addiction. Being supportive, I offered to go with her to a meeting where I first heard the famous “let go, let God” recommendation. I was troubled by this. It seemed that the addiction was simply being transferred from the substance to the deity. Individuals were not being empowered to deal with their addictions in a constructive manner.
In fact, is not the whole process of surrendering to an external force for help a way to deflect responsibility and thwart personal growth? So it is with telling children to adopt certain attitudes and ethical codes because God says so. In contrast, teaching children by word and example that doing good is its own reward and that being a good citizen within a community benefits not only the individual but the community as well, fosters a sense of personal responsibility and communal connection. This can be accomplished without the need to refer to the punishment that will be meted out by the all powerful if the individual “misbehaves.”
Photo by Aleksandr Kutsayev
Considering the community as a team and each individual as a team member, it is obvious why it is best to approach good citizenry as a matter of both individual and collective survival and prosperity. In this case, the “do unto others” axiom is useful not because some man many years ago wrote it in a book, but because it stands to reason that within a group, reactions and consequences will follow any action. Children can be taught the appropriate ethical framework necessary for peaceful co-existence just as they can be taught polite behavior in public, the rules on the playground, and the letters of the alphabet. By learning what they live, children can find reward and personal satisfaction in observing their parents and role models and building their own rational, moral compass; an internal foundation, not an external imposition and threat. No “eye for an eye,” just basic human goodness.
About Maitri Pamo
Thank you for this thoughtful post. I also strongly believe that one can be “Good without God” and that morality by fear and threats is just childish. It’s like being good right before christmas so Santa can give you presents. There are more mature, intelligent, and human reasons to value an ethical and moral way of being good and kind in the world. Thank you so very much for putting this so eloquently.
One of my siblings traded addiction for God. He is the only person I don’t really argue religion with. It helped him get off drugs and onto a better path. I do think he traded one addiction for another but I would not want to take away from him the one thing that got him off what is truly one of the most awful thing in the world.
Preach, sister. I’ve learned a couple of things. I am the one that convinced my own mother to start going to church when I was just five years old – now not even I will set foot inside a church. Now the tables are turned; she shudders at my staying anywhere near home on Sundays. You’re right: religion avoids accountability. No, the devil didn’t make you do it and no, God’s will isn’t for you to not get what you want out of life – you’re just lazy and/or not doing what you need to do correctly to get where you need to be in life. And anyone who tries to force-feed their bibles (or Quran or Torah or Gosho or whatever) into anyone’s life is simply occultist in their thinking. I’ve learned they’re one of the many categories of people to not – repeat NOT waste time trying to reason with. And with the gay rights movement really showing me the true colors of churches lately? I’m glad I got out early. I’d never take it that far.
What an excellent article. I don’t want to be a well-done entree for Lucifer, but what kind of person am I if my good deeds are due only to the fact that I don’t want to be poked by the horned one? God does not create any good in the world when he forces everyone to do his will. They say that he gives us a choice so that we can be tested, but if we’re going to be put on a broiler for an eternity if we don’t abide by his will, then we’re really just being forced to comply. The simple truth is this: Anyone can be good without God. God is simply not necessary. Persons can be aided in their moral development by their parents and other role-models. You don’t need religion; you just need good mentoring. And with that said; having God in your life is a setup for immorality; not morality. If you believe in love, kindness, compassion, and peace; then you do not want to embrace a god that advocates hatred, meanness, cruelty, and violence; which is exactly what the Abrahamic god is.
Maitri!!! Excellent article and I fully agree…You rock women!