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Cure found for Mamitis!

MamitisWives and girlfriends are rejoicing around the world as the cure for mamitis has finally been discovered. Mamitis, which is the over-the-top, eye-rolling, just-cut-the-umbilical-cord-already relationship between a mother and son, has long been a nuisance to women married to or dating men suffering from this debilitating disease.

Scientists have been working on the cure for mamitis ever since the first tragic case was documented in ancient Greek mythology. For centuries, researchers were stumped because each case was so different. Behaviors ranged from calling mami every day, to not making plans without consulting mami first. However, after careful investigation of the data, they were able to come up with a classification system. Doctors can now prescribe a pill, with the dosage dependent on whether the case is acute, moderate, or severe.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this,” confided a middle-aged wife with tears in her eyes. “The first thing I’m doing is putting his mother in a home. Finally, she won’t interfere in our arguments. Finally, I can be first!”

Mothers’ reactions to the news have been mixed. “Frankly, I’m scared,” says Señora Griselda, age 64. “Who’s going to take me everywhere I need to go? I used to be able to call at any hour and my son would come over, but now I’m going to have to think twice before I make that call. And what about when I have complaints about his wife? Who’s going to take my side now?”

On the other hand, some mamis are relieved. “Ay, por fin!” cried Marina, age 49. “My son never leaves me in peace! I need to find myself a man, and he scares them all away. If I don’t come home every night at a decent hour, he starts calling me nonstop.”

As the date for the pill’s debut gets closer, divorce lawyers are getting nervous: divorce numbers are predicted to drop significantly.  Mamitis was the third all-time reason for divorce, with Mujeriego syndrome and evil suegras coming in as first and second, respectively.

While these lawyers do have a reason to be worried, there is one shining light at the end of their tunnel: In order to receive the prescription, these men have to a) go to the doctor and b) admit they have a problem. These tasks are more easily said than done. “Women are not allowed to seek treatment for their husbands,” informs Dr. Rivera. “So any woman thinking she can just crush the medicine into her husband’s or boyfriend’s avena in the morning can forget about it.”

Doctors can officially begin prescribing the pill, Cortamamis, in May of this year, just in time for Mother’s Day.

 

 

 

 

 

About Cindy Tovar

Born in Flushing, Queens to Colombian parents, Cindy has always loved reading and writing. For this reason, she entered Montclair State University to pursue an English degree, but instead fell in love with and graduated with a B.A. in Psychology. During her time at Montclair State, Cindy joined the Latin American Student Organization (LASO) on campus. She immediately felt comfortable surrounded by peers that shared both love and pride for the Latino culture, something she had never experienced before. She ultimately became president of LASO. Since then, Cindy has earned her M.S. Ed. in Early Childhood Special Education from Bank Street College, and works as a bilingual Special Education preschool teacher in Brooklyn. Despite feeling exhausted by the time she reaches her New Jersey home, she still uses her spare time to write. Joining the Being Latino family is one of the best things that has happened to Cindy because it fulfills her in two ways: She can write to her heart’s content while reaching an engaging audience, and it helps her stay connected to her Latino culture. You can find more of Cindy’s writing on her personal blogs: Dagny’s Dichotomy, and Cindy’s Chronicles.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.

Comments

  1. I need this desperately for my 4 yr who has an issue when I even talk to people on the streets and is trying to put me on a curfew lol

  2. lol!!!

  3. it will NEVER WORK!

  4. haha!

  5. Leave my mom alone

  6. Yeah right they will continue sucking on the tetatill she dies ,Chancletaso is truly needed once in awhile to remind them whos giving them goid loveing #realtalk

  7. this is funny!

  8. Its faster to find a cure for AIDS or Cancer than it is to find a cure for Mamitis, once they have it , se jodieron las novias y esposas.

  9. Lol!! Its not just men. My ex girlfriend suffers from mamitis. Someone help her!! lololol

  10. This happens when parents don’t let their boys beceome a man and they are always attached to their skirts! I know that I raised a man and my daughter is also tough. I raised them both that way and proud of it!

  11. Lol

  12. my brother sure needs this pill. lol!

  13. LOLOLOLOLOLOL buying stock in the Pharmaceutical company once they START selling it IN DOMINICAN REPUBLIC ! I AM GOING TO BE RICH I SAY RICH !

  14. idk…. there are a few chronic cases out there too strong to be cured. symptoms include sentences that start w/ “no por que mami usa/compra/dijo/hace/etc.” Women… just breathe. Remember Corinthians: Love is patient, Love is kind… hopes all things, endures all things…” Mamitis included… but a girl can dream. :)

  15. Bull!

  16. Gracias a Dios that my husband doesn’t suffer from mamitis, but I do suffer from “evil suegra” so maybe I should look into this ;)

  17. I had the best mother in law anyone would want to have . I will follow her example and try my best to be a great mother in law to my son’s wives. The requirement is to love my boys .

  18. Lol

  19. Cortamamis

  20. Cortamamis…this article had me rolling on the floor laughing!

  21. Hilarious!!! I need this pill for my brother & brother-in-law!!! LMAO ;))

  22. Hahahaha! Omg Hilarious !!!

  23. Cindy, la partistes with this article. I Looooove it!

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