Let me just start off by saying I love my in-laws but sometimes I seriously question whether or not they get me and my Latina culture. So I am
completely annoyed with the fact that my mother-in-law refers to my husband’s dad – who we are teaching my son to call grandpa – as “poppy” when he is obviously not. You see in Latino culture, as if you did not already know, we reserve the “papi” title for our beloved fathers. And because I married un gringo, over the years we have both come to realize that there are definite cultural differences. Though most are minor things, the fact that I cannot fathom hearing grandpa being called “poppy,” makes this the issue we are currently dealing with.
To my husband it makes no difference and he continues to tell me that I am overreacting. It is true that every time my mother-in-law accidentally slips with calling grandpa “poppy” I pout and get up on my soapbox to tell them yet again my grievances with this. Now am I being over-sensitive? Perhaps; but it just feels wrong and rude to me. Lord knows how many times I have tried to explain this to my in-laws and yet continue to get the whole eye-rolling bit. I tell them, “Papi is a term used for dads. To me it’s insulting to continue referring to someone, family or not, as the dad when they are clearly not.” It’s like when I was told I could refer to a friend’s mother as “mom” because all the other kids did. Are you kidding me? If my mamí ever heard me utter those words to someone other than her she would surely lose it because it is completely disrespectful to her. I can’t even begin to imagine what my mamí would say if she ever heard them call my father-in-law “papi.” I can guarantee they would probably never make that mistake again around her.
Often times we can confuse something that we have learned from our parents and believe it to be a “cultural thing” when in fact it was a “family thing.” I have been told by other Latina friends that this is what they believe to be in my case. I tend to disagree. Either way the debate still continues in our household but I am determined to make sure that they respect my wishes. And when that day comes I will do a happy dance, take a deep breath and prepare myself for the next battle…trying to explain to them that not all Latinos are required to have accents.
by Jennifer Salazar Hutcheson
About Being Latino Contributors
You’re over-reacting.
I am half puerto rican my daughters father/my partner is 100 percent. My stepfather is 100 percent Italian, and loves to be called Poppy, my daughters father hated it at first saying he is to be called Papi, but he got over it and he is called Daddy/Dad, when our daughter grows up she will get to choose what she calls her dad, either papi or daddy or both! (like my boyfriends other kids call him- papi and dad, depending on the day) its up to her… and the way poppy and papi are pronounced are different so we would be able to tell the difference….hope u all can work it out
I am not only latina, I was born and raised in Mexico, I came to US 16 years ago,when I was 18. Married a white american (truly white, as parents are from WV) everybody in our family called them Maw-maw and Paw-Paw, as it sounds like MaMa and Papa.. I got over it just because I am Mami, their Dad is Daddy, my parents are Ita and Ito.. If your kids don’t call their Dad PapiN then try to just let it go. It is their grandfather.. In our culture are the Papa mayor !! Remember, your family will always be unique,and you can allow new ways of interactions. Your latino family should not frown upon that , they should embrace it. Good luck! (And please count your children blessings that they still have someone to call Poppy!!)
They wont care. Im married to un gringo too. You’ll have to teach the kids not to say it. Thats what we did. Wish I could write more, but Im on my phone. Lol. But, I do understand the culture clash. I go through it…been through it….and struggle through it…it’ll have to a compromise that you make between you, your husband, and what you show your kids. Your husband has to be the one puting his foot down & explaining that they need to respect you & your beliefs.
My daughter says daddy, pappi for me and pappa for grandfather/mamma alternatively; and b/c I’m mixed ‘babka’ for her grandma on my side.
Well it sounds like there might be some deeper issues with the ‘suegros’ which I am all too familiar with. This may be the one issue that gives you the ability to tell your husband to stick up for you and take your side and respect your beliefs and culture… As a not-so-favored-daughter-in-law, I would usually probably say, “yes, you are so right, and how dare Mr. Husband not stand up for you on this”… but this being a “culture” issue, I feel that if it is in their culture for the grandchildren to call their grandpa “poppy” then in actuality, you shouldn’t really trip off of that. Afterall, your husband is a gabacho, and you did know this before having children with him, correct?? So, embrace it! As long as the grandmother isn’t asking to be called “mommy” then as long as your husband is okay with it, maybe you should drop the issue. Your kids will decide as they get older if that is what they really want to call him. I’m Mexican and my kid calls all the grandparents Nana and Tata, but for some reason, he calls my parents Mama and Papa, even though we tell him Nana and Tata… he’s pretty much decided for himself that they are his Mama and Papa, and nobody can change that.
POR FAVOR, I NEED HELP!!! I am divorced and have two young children and two teenagers. I am soon to remarry a wonderful man, who has stepped up to the “fatherly” role model. My problem is what shall my children call their new step-father? Even though their Latin father prefers to be called Dad. Is it ok for their Latin step-father to be called Papi? I find it totally disrespectful to call him by his first name? Or is there another name to call him that would be enduring?
LOL. Thanks Yvette for your honesty. You are probably right.
Sounds like there are deeper issues that perhaps you need to deal with (but don’t we all?
). I can totally see myself acting the same way you do. A la defensiva. But there comes a time when we all need to give in a little and realize that no matter how many times you tell folks things… they just won’t get it. As long as they aren’t doing it to spite, just smile and heck… laugh a little and keep it moving. 
Life is short chica. If they love you and your kids… it is a blessing. How many people are in constant real nasty battles with their in-laws. This is a walk in the park. Count your blessings and pray que papa Dios los ilumine and one day they might just stop saying it! 
Enjoy your fun times with the familia.
I can understand your frustration, but I feel it must be pointed out that there is a difference between “poppy” and “papi” I am also mixed and call my mom’s father poppop while I call my dad’s father abuelo. I have white friends who call their grandfather poppy. Poppy would never be used to to address a father.
Did you ever think that is how your in-laws are used to addressing grandparents. Maybe your husband calls his grandfather that?
Of course, if you prefer your children not to use that form of address than that is fine, but I think your mother-in-law is allowed to use the term of endearment she prefers as well.
I agree. And just a small thing, the word “mami” doesn’t have an accent.
I have to agree with the people that replied that you are overreacting on this issue. I think the bigger problem is that you are looking at your family dynamic as a cultural “battle”. Obviously you must’ve known that this would not be a seamless union. Every family, mixed or not, is going to have issues. Although I could see how you would be upset about your children listening to the idea that all Latinos have to have accents, the poppy-papi issue is asinine. Save your battles for where it really counts.
You’re not overreacting. If you feel it is a disrespect for your child to call his granfather anything other than “grandpa”, then that wish should be honored by everyone around- especially your hubby. I do agree with Nicole on one thing: You also need to respect what your mother in law refers to her husband as. If it’s just her that calls him that then you don’t have a say; but if she is attempting to teach your child to refer to him as “poppy”, then she needs to not overstep her boundaries and respect the rules you have for YOUR child.
Hope it all works out!
Interesting post…
Betty you are correct. I will again admit that I learned most of my Spanish in school which actually did have in our textbooks “mami” with an accent. It must have stuck but thank you for the correction. I will make it a point to quit using it incorrectly. Darn education system!
We will get through it but thanks for the support!
Gracias Ionne. Agreed it is a blessing that my son has his grandparents a huge part of his life. They adore him. Please understand that this post was just to vent.
My husband is supportive but thinks I’m being silly. And looks like from most of the comments here he is right. lol.
‘Babka’ is definitely a new one for me. Never heard that before. Thanks for sharing Louis!
I say, let the kids call him whatever they’re comfortable with. As long as they know/ understand who the new man is and represents, and as long as the new man is on the same page, I say just let things flow as they will.
I believe that eventually they’ll settle on something appropriate for everyone.
I think you’re making much ado about nothing.
You don’t own the word poppy, just because it is a homynym to papi. Maybe you should respect their culture as much as you want your culture respected.