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Virgin fever

I wasn’t taught birth cheap tramadol. I was taught abstinence.

“And remember, m’ija.  If your boyfriend wants to have sex with someone else, you let him.  As long as you remain a virgin, that’s all that matters.”

“Yes, mami.”

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Talk about putting it on a pedestal.

When it comes to virginity, Latinos really do. Not that we shouldn’t, but it shouldn’t be to the extent where we omit important information on how to protect ourselves in case we decide to disobey mami’s orders.

This was my first lesson in birth control:  At 14, I was at the park about to play basketball when I saw an opaque, deflated, balloon-looking thing hanging off the basketball hoop. I had no idea that it was a condom until my girlfriend shrieked in disgust and told me what it was. Oh, I thought. So that’s what it looks like.

For some Latinas, mami’s words go in one ear and out the other. But for others, they really take those words to heart. order tramadol sincerely try to preserve their virginity. So they bend the rules a little. Instead of vaginal intercourse, their first sexual experience is anal. They figure that as long as their hymens are intact, they’re still virgins.

Nice try, but sorry. Just because you got creative, doesn’t mean you’re still a virgin.

Well, to be fair, I suppose that’s open to interpretation. But in the dictionary there are two definitions of sexual intercourse: one involves penetration of the vagina and the other does not. I’m just going to leave that idea out there, and move on.

So these young women’s justification for their actions is that their hymen is intact, but this isn’t a very good indicator of y o u r virginity because hymens can tear at the ride of a bicycle, if you were even born with one. And yet, many Latinas, among others, have gone in for hymen restoration surgery to claim their virginity once again.

Okay, Latinos, so what gives? Why the virgin fever? I’m not saying we shouldn’t teach our young girls to wait for someone special. I still believe that it’s important for parents to emphasize this.

But let’s be realistic. Latina teen pregnancy is the highest among racial/ethnic groups. Kids are engaging in sexual behavior at a very young age. What the new generation needs is some information on how to protect themselves, not our default authoritarian rules: “You can’t have sex because I said so!”

Let’s get it right this time. As much as our culture may want us to be, we can’t all be the Virgin Mary.

To learn more about Cindy, visit Dagny’s Dichotomy.

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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those
of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.

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About Cindy Tovar

Born in Flushing, Queens to Colombian parents, Cindy has always loved reading and writing. For this reason, she entered Montclair State University to pursue an English degree, but instead fell in love with and graduated with a B.A. in Psychology. During her time at Montclair State, Cindy joined the Latin American Student Organization (LASO) on campus. She immediately felt comfortable surrounded by peers that shared both love and pride for the Latino culture, something she had never experienced before. She ultimately became president of LASO. Since then, Cindy has earned her M.S. Ed. in Early Childhood Special Education from Bank Street College, and works as a bilingual Special Education preschool teacher in Brooklyn. Despite feeling exhausted by the time she reaches her New Jersey home, she still uses her spare time to write. Joining the Being Latino family is one of the best things that has happened to Cindy because it fulfills her in two ways: She can write to her heart’s content while reaching an engaging audience, and it helps her stay connected to her Latino culture. You can find more of Cindy’s writing on her personal blogs: Dagny’s Dichotomy, and Cindy’s Chronicles.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.

Comments

  1. jessie says:

    There is WAY too much emphasis put on a girls virginity and way too much joy when a boy loses his! Instead of preaching to our daughters to preserve their virginity we should be teaching them to preserve their sense of self, their self respect and self love. As for the boy, because i have one, more respect for a relationship and love should be taught, and not treat an experience as if it’s just a notch on his belt. I want my boy to respect his partner and to wait until he is older and to know that sex=consequences, emotionally & physically.

  2. Cindy Tovar says:

    Thanks for the comment. There is definitely a double standard. Boys are told nothing or are given praise for losing their virginity, while girls are given warnings and threats. I’m glad your son will be taught a decent sex education.

  3. nycgirl77 says:

    I commented on a similar article a few weeks back and I think that there is an obvious double standard in the latino community when it comes to the virgnity thing. I think parents need to stop the bs and educate both their sons and daughters about the physical and emotional consequences of sex and safe sex for both. This is why we have the highest teen pregnancy rate b/c parents are too caught up antiquated stupidity that has been proven not to work. Teens shouldn’t have sex b/c they’re not mature enough to deal with the emotional and physical consequences of sex usually pregnancy and unplanned but we can’t stop them from doing it so you might as well educate about condoms, etc. I’m not saying you shouldn’t tell a female to wait for someone special but you also should convey the same message to males. My mother educated us both and I wasn’t a teen mother b/c I saw too many of my friends lives ruined over this. I have a son and I plan to educate him about this and using protection too many young guys these days just see females as a notch on their belts and that’s wrong but it’s a harsh reality which is why girls should be careful before falling for what a guy says. As far as the anal thing goes they’re only fooling themselves

  4. Roxie says:

    I’m STILL being pressured to hang on to my virginity and I’m 23!! Apparently I will shame my family even if I wait to be in a loving, committed relationship before I have sex. My niece, who is 19, slept with a couple guys and they talk terribly about her. I’m not really in favor of her upcoming marriage (her boyfriend is an unemployed loser) but that’s beside the point. Latinos are so old school for some things. My dad apparently won’t consider me an independent adult until I’m married. This is even if I move to another state! It’s such a double standard and SOOOO backwards.

  5. Y’all got it all wrong. The reason why women are pressured into keeping their virginity is bc they are taught to believe a decent man will not want their hand in marriage if they sleep around. Men, on the other hand, are measured by their sexual conquests, and think they will be more successful in marriage if they gain more “experience.” This of course is a lie…and has to do more with a man’s pride i.e., Look at me, I have a virgin wife and did better than you. Also, it has to do with a man’s insecurities, that is, I don’t want to risk running into an ex-boyfriend and have him throw it in my face that he’s *known* my wife–or worse, being compared to exes by my wife. Even if a woman would never actually compare us to someone else, just the thought of it kills us. So…that is why alot of Latino men want the virgin. What can I say, we’re a prideful and über-jealous bunch.

    That being said, I think sex before marriage is dumb (in any race). People who co-habitate before committing to a marriage are more likely to divorce. This is why, in hindsight, I am for early marriage, bc it’s WAY to hard to remain 33 and chaste. We weren’t built for that. We were built to have sex, in the context of a healthy monogamous relationship.

    Personally I don’t care if my future wife is a virgin, so long as she has the same moral values and has done her best to remain chaste, as I have. Not perfect and spotless, but redeemed by something higher than our own selfish desires.

  6. nycgirl says:

    @ Roxy your father needs to get with the program you’re 23 yrs old your of legal age at 18 regardless of what he thinks and if you’re out of his house even more so. When the time is right it will happen and if you choose to wait till marriage that’s fine too.

  7. Ralph says:

    im a latino man and I honestly make a big deal about women being a virgin. I think that both men and women should be virgins until marriage. I think that if a man and women are not virgins and get married then they are both hypocrites. The whole reason of marriage is to take each others virginity because that shows true love and fidelity. A brides dress is white because it’s supposed to show that she is pure and a virgin. Whats the point of marriage if both couples are not virgins? Marriage shows monogamy(sex with one partner) and if you’re not a virgin then it’s being a hypocrite. However the only excused reason for a girl not being a virgin is if she got raped. If a girl got raped I will considered her a virgin as long as she hasn’t had sex with any one else. And to make it clear, all the pressure shouldn’t just be put on women. Guys should also be virgins. In fact some of my friends are still virgins because they believe in the marriage thing. So for women out there, yes there are still good men out there! There is no reason to lose your Virginity because of pleasure or because of the stupid stereotype of guys. Not all men are the same.

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