By now, all las jefas and viejas (wives, girlfriends, et al.) have dug their heels in for the long haul. By now, we’ve learned to despise the vuvusella’s drone and to question the engineering behind the Jabulani. By now, we’ve witnessed: Germany pummel Australia; Nigeria’s goalie ascend to saint status; the Asian teams best overconfident African teams. By now, you have realized resistance is futile.
According to FIFA, the 2006 World Cup had a cumulative television audience of 26.29 Billion people (there are only 6 and a half billion people on the Earth) making it the most-viewed Television phenomenon in History. This means that there are several hype machines behind the matches in the Cup; this means there is a lot of talk. Most of the talk has centered around the lameness of a “tie” situation, (i.e. U.S vs. U.K. or the Mexico vs Republic of South Africa match, etc.) and how true American sports go into overtime to decide unequivocally who is the victor and who just got bested. Some of the talk tries to understand why World Cup scores are so low. Ah, the impetuousness of youth!
America, the World Cup is not a longer, drawn-out Super Bowl. The World Cup is a month-long conference of competition. America, the name of the game is endurance, not domination. So, don’t worry about the World Cup, it’s fine as it is; or, in the immortal words of Eddie Murphy: have a smile, and a Coke and shut the Eff up!
WORLD CUP 2010: FIRST WEEK HIGHLIGHT REEL
The Germans bum-rushed the Australians for four goals that seemed to be constructed with Quartz bullets. Their first goal was so devious and cunning that by the time Australia’s defense figured out what was happening, Germany’s Podolski capped the goalie with a stunning Death Ray shot. For a split second, I thought Podolski had debrained the goalie. Obviously, Germany, again, has positioned itself as the leader and forerunner to play in the quarter finals (at least they have the most points of any team).
South Korea unexpectedly bests Greece. You heard me…I said unexpectedly because my money was on the Greeks. I did not catch this game but I hear that South Korea played their hearts out and that they played a very physical game with a lot of “toque” and sprinting. And their goals were pretty amazing; the first one by Lee Jung Soo came off a corner kick; but, the second one by Park Ji-Sung was a banger because Ji-Sung ran it all the way into the goalie box by himself.
Argentina played well against Nigeria; I think most people were a little underwhelmed. But, the Argentinians controlled the ball for most of the game and allowed Nigeria to lull itself into a feeling of false relief. Nigeria played as if they were the ones up by one and came very close on numerous shots to tie the score. Argentina had more attempts for sure and they set the tenor. But, the real hero of the match was Nigeria’s goalie, a super lithe monster, that mucked up at least four attempts by Argentina to shut out the Nigerians with a 2-0.
However, we have to give it up to Heinze. His goal is one of the best headers I have ever seen. I mean, to see it, Heinze rushes into the goalie box and imparts this kamikaze momentum on the ball that the keeper and defensive player can’t keep their eyes on. The goal was masterful and it gives you a fuzzy feeling that it was Heinze because who can’t use the positive publicity, right. But, really, Argentina needs to buy an Easter Island Totem head from Chile and dedicate it to Heinze for the goal that he juked from the Nigerians.
by Yago Cura