Photo: GettyImages
Congratulations! You’ve made it to adulthood in your working-class neighborhood. The hard work and education paid off, and you decided to rent an apartment in the old barrio.
But as luck would have it, the neighborhood isn’t the same anymore. These people from somewhere else have moved in, and the place has begun to change. Where there once stood your favorite bodega there now stands an art gallery. The botanica on the block is now a Thai food place. These people come from many different races, but sure as hell are strange.
Now relax, young fellow. When making conversation with these newcomers, just rephrase or tell a white lie about how you spent your day and the hipsters will be inviting you out for bike rides and organic food in no time!
Here are some suggestions:
| What You Did | What Hipsters Will Be Impressed By |
| Became Unemployed | Took a year off to find yourself.
Explanation:Hipsters are just as broke as the rest of us. They just veil being out of work or lazy with the idea that they are somehow fulfilling a higher purpose.
|
| Went to Sunday Mass | Meditated at your local community spiritual center.
Explanation: Hipsters dislike prayer, like meditation and like proudly referring to themselves as “spiritual, not religious.” This is often in ignorance of the fact that prayer is a form of meditation and religion is inherently spiritual.
|
| Found an empanada in your refrigerator, dipped it in some old soy sauce | Discovered a recipe for a Sino-Mexican Fusion tapa.
Explanation: Hipsters like all things fusion, especially food. In fact, no matter how mundane something is, hipsters will be willing to pay three times the appropriate price for it.
|
| Spoke Spanish | Practiced a language you learned while studying abroad.
Explanation: Hipsters like references to studying abroad and learning a foreign language.
|
| Slept, hungover, on your buddy’s couch. | Couch-surfed at the loft of someone you met on Craigslist.
Explanation:Hipsters love Craigslist, and sleeping on strangers’ couches is their version of street cred.
|
| Drank | Drank a craft beer, or a homebrew.
Explanation:Nothing tickles the pretentious tongue of a hipster more than a beer that tastes exactly the same as one brewed by a heartless corporation, but was really made in some dirty guy’s basement.
|
| Sat on your ass, surfed the net. | Wrote Yelp! reviews.
Explanation: Hipsters love feeling a sense of purpose, and writing Yelp! reviews brings together eating, sitting on your ass, and feeling like you’ve stood for something. Sense of purpose indeed.
|
| Dressed unprofessionally to work. | Dressed creatively to work.
Explanation: For most of us, going to work means putting on some sort of professional business attire. For hipsters, professional business attire usually means a creative t-shirt, and some sort of odd accessory. So if anyone asks why you are wearing sunglasses and short shorts to your job as a funeral director, tell them not to cramp your creativity.
|
| Didn’t shave. |
Didn’t let society dictate the length of your hair.
Explanation: For some reason, despite notbeing Amish farmers or Hasidic Jews, hipsters tend to think it’s acceptable to wear a full, scraggly beard to work.
|
About Eric J Cortes
Lol Cesar!
Funny, but still don’t feel the need to impress.
“Explanation:Hipsters are just as broke as the rest of us.” Not really. Most are trust fund babies with plentyyyyy of intergenerational wealth, which offers them the luxury to dress “poor” and gentrify Latino and Black communities.
Idk what’s worse, the fact that hipsters are spreading or our sense of trying to impress them
I believe this was a SATIRICAL article, Jose. Not to be taken seriously.
“This is often in ignorance of the fact that prayer is a form of meditation and religion is inherently spiritual.” Although religion is in fact inherently spiritual, spirituality is not always achieved through religion, so I don’t think it’s incorrect or ignorant for someone to say they are “spiritual but not religious.”
I’d like a hipster, a white one, preferably, to make fun of us. See how our panties like it. You know how mature Latinos are. Anyone says one tiny joke and we get all riled up. LEAVE HIPSTERS ALONE! They’re less likely to Rob you of your possessions than your cousin, Juancito.
Why does “being latino” use satire to analyze something? Why is “being latino” so afraid of the “white man??” Just be str8 up.
also, there are plenty of Latino, Asian, and Black hipsters as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2TA5D6qyCU
Hmmm I think the better question is why are white people afraid of being latino? lolll at this article.
white people do not want to be Latino because of the power and privilege of being white in an unjust society. Internalized racism, colonialism, etc, are found in oppressed peoples.
LMAO! I’m actually wearing a scraggly beard to work, but that’s just because I’m a hockey fanatic.
lol this was a king of the hill episode.
Being Latino doesn’t use satire. The writer does. All of BL’s writers choose what they want to write about.
Sal I never said white people want to be Latino. Read… comprehend…. comment. lol Anyway lighten up!
There’s always some truth in satire, that’s what makes it funny and though provoking.
guess I should have capitalized Being Latino…
This thread is hilarious.
Cesar you live in the hipster mecca…. are they growing on you? lol
Cesar has heard of bands that don’t even exist. That’s how hipster he is.
Meh, I don’t think I even have any hipster friends. I don’t hang around the area. Like any people, this is just full of stereotypes and misconceptions that only fuel a hatred towards a group of people even if it was meant as a joke. Eric is a diehard conservative. If you happen to find this funny and agree with him then you must check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Exactly Nels, if someone wants to so see some other kind of article, they are more than free to write that article. Everyone who writes does so voluntarily and largely independently. Contrary to popular belief, they do not represent some kind of monolithic Being Latino masterminded agenda.
Hey, Being Latino writers. Why not satire on ghetto people? Maybe I should shoot a skit. Give me a second while I write the script.
write*
How to get ghetto people to go to college? Tell them they’ll get free pairs of a limited edition pair of nikes. Boom!