This summer I had some great “girl talks” with one of my relatives. She grew up in Puerto Rico in the ‘60s and she opened up about what it was like to be a teen and young adult in Borinquen at that time. She spoke about the never-ending and impossible standards set on young women to be “good girls” (code for asexual, never go out at night without your parents, never even talk to boys alone); and how the playbook for men seemed to be the complete opposite. She spoke about how fearful girls were taught to be about sex. The whole idea, she explained, was that you end up so afraid of sex and of the idea of losing complete control, that you were terrified of putting yourself in a position where you would come anywhere near ‘doing it.’
So guess what this whole way of thinking resulted in? A lot of what they called “fracasos.” Yes, when a girl got pregnant before marriage she literally got a “FAIL” from her community. Plus, guess who very suddenly went from “good girl” to “easy girl” territory?
So many things struck me about her words. But the main thing was how incredibly powerless these social demands and this ignorance made women. It was as though being born a woman made you an automatic victim of your circumstances. You had no control over how your life might end up. There was no ownership over your body, much less your sexuality. There was no knowledge about sex –how it happens, how you can protect yourself from diseases and unplanned pregnancies, how and when you would decide to do it, and what role you might want to play in your own relationship
Knowledge about birth control is something so many of us take for granted these days. However, 52% of Latinas continue to get pregnant by age 20. With so many schools failing to cover birth control as part of their sex education, and serious issues of access to basic health care and birth control in our Latino communities– it’s clear that although we’ve come a long way, we still have a long way to go. Young Latinas, as well as all other young people, should have full knowledge of birth control methods and access to truly affordable birth control should they decide to use it.
When it comes to knowledge of and access to birth control as Latinas, what do you think we need to do to turn around the statistics?
by Gabriela Lazzaro
To learn more about Latina’s reproductive health and rights, check out the Latinos for Planned Parenthood’s Facebook page and follow us on Twitter!
About Being Latino Contributors
There is so much to say and I can’t find the right combination of words to express myself here.
In terms of sexuality/reproductive rights, knowledge IS power. I wish I’d had someone who was willing to talk to me on more than a superficial level.
I’ve flipped the switch and have a very open door policy with my children. Some questions are relatively easy to answer and others require a bit more finessing but they are never made to feel ashamed for asking.
I will say that as much as things have changed, there is still much that has stayed the same. The double-standard continues to exist. My favorite example is when the mother of a boy who wanted to date my daughter said, “No judgment.” upon meeting us but she did exactly that. A few weeks into the “relationship”, the woman claimed that my daughter was a bad influence because HER son couldn’t keep his urges and sexual innuendo in check. This even when my daughter told him to knock it off. The end result was a no-contact agreement between families.
Meanwhile, his best friend is posting facsimiles of the Pope getting serviced by an altar boy as his Facebook profile pic. It’s just “boys being boys”.
Although I shouldn’t be, I am always stunned by the lack of or misinformation that some of these boys receive from their parents. Invariably, there comes a point where I find myself educating by default – we state our expectations for how our daughter is to be treated (with respect among other things) and that anything less is not acceptable. We thought it would be embarrassing for our daughter but she is very grateful.
Knowledge is power and double standards are still in effect… My parents never spoke to me about sex in a positive light and yet my brothers were allowed to “be men”…
I’m not bitter about it, I have learned from it.
Awesome post!
The double standard is never gong to die out within the Latino community. I raised my daughters with all the open communication I was denied as an adolescent. No question was ducked. They broke the early baby cycle my family had going for the last three generations.
Thanks for the comments. Yes, I think this double standard will be very hard to kick…but we have to keep trying! Girls are just as capable of making decisions for themselves and it really does take “two to tango”. Let’s give them both the information they need!
Great post, Eileen! So proud that your daughters are breaking that horrible cycle. Please know that they are not fighting the battle alone- Im a Latina and college graduate, my young sis is in college, and my brother just got accepted in the Air Force- Only b/c of the example that I set.And as You know it is not easy BUT its also not impossible! This ignorance, negligence, and poor values in the latino community regarding education and child bearing has got to STOP so us as a people can recover & get better! And its women like you Eileen that are helping us get there! Have a great 2011! and God Bless.