Haven’t you had all you can stand about personality disorders?
Seems that far too many things are labeled a “disorder” these days…like:
Attention Deficit Disorder – used to be called boredom or boyhood.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder – for the 200th time, I don’t have OCD.
Narcissistic Disorder – most victims are pretty women and gay men.
Paranoid Disorder – sometimes paranoia is true and they ARE out to get you.
Antisocial Disorder – used to be called “I don’t like you…or anybody else.”
Dictionary defines a “disorder” as: An ailment that affects the function of mind or body…then defines “ailment” as a disorder. Thanks a lot.
Big Pharma likes disorders, because they can invent a drug that masks the symptoms. Unfortunately, it also creates a bunch more symptoms which will also need a drug. Cha-Ching!
I have invented some disorders that explain how I act. Maybe I can get a disability check from somebody. Or some mind-altering drugs.
Idiot Tolerance Disorder – When I am trapped in a conversation with an idiot…which happens with startling regularity…I start to hear my own pulse in my ears and I have the overwhelming desire to choke the life out of the moron who is droning on about a subject for which he has only the knowledge he has learned from TV. My palliative is to smile and nod, and excuse myself to go to the bathroom.
Blue Agave Tequila Disorder – this only occurs when ingest Tarantula Tequila. Eventually the room will spin and I will giggle like a little girl. This disorder invariably leads to “too damned many stairs in this house” Disorder.
Big Leather Chair Disorder – sitting in my big leather chair with my feet up on the hassock invariably leads to a nap of variable duration. This Disorder is frequently triggered by…
Black and White Movie Disorder – the nearly irresistible compulsion to take a nap while the Redhead enjoys a movie that was shot in the 1930s.
Game of Thrones Disorder – viewing all the sex scenes in this HBO series causes my pants to swell and my palms to sweat…or maybe it’s the other way around.
Chocolate Ingestion Disorder – The most addictive of the Disorders. Like crack cocaine, you are always looking for your next fix. Quality is not as important as quantity. No complaints here, and resistance is futile.
Social Media Disorder – The gigantic time vacuum cleaner that can easily waste hours of your day looking at kittens or what your friends had for lunch…or what your kittens had for lunch.
Big Greasy Spicy Meal Disorder – ingestion of copious amounts of spicy food invariably lead to repeated interactions with a certain plumbing fixture.
Mercedes on Interstate Disorder – caused whenever my E300 gets onto an Interstate highway. I immediately start driving 85-90 mph, which causes me a premature arrival at my destination.
I’ll bet you share some of these disorders. But if you think about it, some of your own personal personality disorders are probably more amusing than mine.
Bottom line is that we are ALL a little twisted, but that twist is what makes you YOU. Celebrate your twist.
For more articles by Russ Longcore, go to Russ Longcore’s Blog.