Photo: Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot
If only I could travel back in time and slap myself on the back of the head. How much time it would have saved me. The moment I thought, “Wow, you were pretty harsh with your mother” should have been the moment I left. My youthful excuses (she must have been mean to him when he was a child, someone slipped some jalapeños into his Wheaties) ran out.
The problem was not only real, but consequential to me. This man had no respect for his mother, a benign woman who would smile at his abuse and admonish him by saying, “I know you love me.” The problem was, I didn’t know it and I worried that I would always question if he loved me, given how he acted with her.
In my experience, the old adage is true: you can make some judgements on a man’s regard for women by the way he treats his mother. Of course, this assumption is relevant as long as the man’s mother is not La Llorona, he wasn’t raised by wolves and some parental figure made a valiant attempt to instill in him respect and honor for a good mother. If he was raised with the goal of producing a dignified human and yet still acts like a malcreado in one of the longest lasting and important relationships he will have, then, ladies, you’ve got a dud on your hands.
Some considerations for those who choose to stay because you are the only one who really gets him:
Don’t expect that he will continue his dulce de leche tones with you. If he barks at his mother to get him more food, eventually you are the one who will be tasting jalapeños in every comment he makes. Don’t expect to have a hot dinner waiting for you after a long day at work, either. If this man is not quick to make sure his mother sits at table while he gets her whatever she needs, he will be little interested in your comfort.
Don’t worry that you might be deprived of the joy of single parenthood. For if while you’re busy getting him, you end up having children together, you will, no doubt, recognize the folly of having the malcreado model parenting behavior. You will take on the mantel of raising the offspring alone even if their father is still in the picture. You don’t want to be treated the way he treats his mother, right? And don’t be anxious about having to bear the burden of being a valued voice in the relationship. If he snaps at his mother and interrupts her, you’re probably safe from having to participate in decision making in the relationship. Phew.
If you give all that up and walk, then find a man who speaks kindly of and to his mother, who makes you smile as you watch them together, you run the risk of finding happiness: someone who gets and respects you. Then, buen provecho.
About Maitri Pamo
A very bold statement. Not always true.
Im one of the lucky ones. My man treats his mama right n treats me like a queen…
I think she goes in to more detail in the article that explains her overly simplistic article title. On the face, the title alone is not accurate, but if you read the article, basically she goes on to describe a guy who’s an ass, and frankly, she probably didn’t need to watch him with his mom to figure out he’s an ass, she just wanted to have a catchy article. Chances are extremely high this guy is an ass to women and people everywhere (probably snaps at waitresses, store clerks, and others) and she wasn’t paying attention. That said, I’ve also heard stories of guys who overly dote on their mamas and treat their wives like second class citizens, so again, this is not necessarily true.
That is so true! not in the dating years, but definitely in the married ones!
it’s true and not true. Because if you would not say that how a woman treats her dad is how she treats her man then you can’t say this logic is true either. So it applies where it applies and where it doesn’t you should not use shotty logic to uniformly apply where it is unfair. If his mother is a crackhead and he rejects her terrible ways do not tell me ‘so what that is his mother he can not hate that aspect of her life’. I know for a fact I would not be happy if a man judged me based on how I disapproved of many of my father’s actions. That would be unfair to me. I bet you many would justify some of my harsh treatment of my dad but would not approve of the same actions of a man towards his mom who messed up a lot royally.
You nailed it. The only correction I will make is that this apply to MEN and WOMEN as well. If she has a horrible relationship with her mom guess what? You will have a horrible relationship with her. And then is when counseling becomes necessary. Some will roll up theirs sleeves and work it out and some will divorce because the lack of commitment to change or the sake of life lasting marriage. Like my mom said check how is the relationship with his/her family and you will find out if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person or not!
I don’t know, I’ve seen guys who idolize their mother like she is a goddess… then I’ve seen them abuse their woman.
The dynamics of a mother/son relationship and the dynamics of an intimate man and woman relationship are two different things.
You can’t really compare the two. Specially since Latin men typically idolize their mothers.
It’s true and untrue. My husband doesn’t have a lot of respect for his mom, actually him n his sister treat her this way. N he uses the excuse that she treated them bad growing up n that they didn’t have a good child hood. Yet at this time my suegra would do anything for him and her grandchildren. I find it strange, I question it a lot. But I come from a home that demanded respect while always being loving. We may fight but he is not abusive. My only issue is that my children do not think the way he treats his mother is ok, he will have to explain that to them when they are older because I give my boys everything and I will demand love and respect like my parents raised me.
So true!
ayyyy gente ! dejen de categorisar, cada cabeza es un mundo que no deja de evolucionar. Uno mismo no sabe como reaccionariamos en todas circumstancias. Seems everyone is always looking for a why or an understanding over things they can’t control, Sometimes things/people are the way they are ..point blank.
My mom always told me that, and she’s right!
Totally not true
I Agree n I disagree
Hi everyone. Thank you for reading and participating. I appreciate very much your thoughtful comments. Obviously, it is difficult to get very in depth or discuss the flip side of men who adore their moms so much that no other woman can come close in an article with a word limit. I agree with many comments that mention the things that could not be addressed due to word constraints. Thank you all!!
Also, the title is “no, wait. Don’t put a ring on it” and I don’t think this is an overly simplistic title. I think it’s descriptive.