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The Enemies of Love, Part 8: Lack of Empathy

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Getty Images

Did you put the “Pathetic” in “Empathetic?” How relatable are you?

Your level of relatability will be directly proportionate to how loveable you are. And empathy is essential when you want to relate to another human being…especially a woman.

Lots of times you’ll hear people say:

“I’m sorry that happened to you.”?“I understand…I’ve been there.”?“I feel your pain.”

But which of those statements are empathy, and which is sympathy?

The American Heritage Dictionary defines “empathy” as identification with and understanding of another’s situation, feelings, and motives.

That means that you feel empathy when you’ve experienced what your lady has experienced.

You feel sympathy when you have not experienced the same experience, but you can imagine what your lady is going through.

Women are very different from men…we already know that. There are a lot of female life experiences that we guys will never understand. Menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, wearing bras, makeup, high heels, pressure to be attractive to men…they’re all foreign to men. We can never be empathetic in these examples…unless you’re a cross-dresser. That’s a whole different article.

So, how can you become more empathetic…instead of just being pathetic?

First, know the difference between empathy and sympathy. Then, don’t say things like “I know how you feel” if you haven’t had the same or similar experiences. Your lady might consider that dishonest or fake.

Suppose that your lady’s mom/sister/cat just died. If you’ve actually gone through that experience, you can say things like “I’ve been there, and know how you feel.”

But if you haven’t gone through it, you should limit your comments to “So sorry to hear of your loss” or comments like that.

Empathy can be expressed verbally. But you can also express your empathy by some of the things you do. Look for things you can do to support her. Take over jobs and tasks she does while she’s dealing with the event…if she ASKS.

Once you have established that you actually have feelings and you acknowledge HER feelings, the best thing you can do is listen attentively. Make a big deal about it. Turn off the TV. Put your phone on “vibrate.” Then TELL HER that you are doing this stuff so you can hear what she has to say.

Then LISTEN. Don’t try to fix her, or fix the situation. Just listen.

If she asks for your help…help. But don’t take over unless she asks you to.

Look for ways to be empathetic. You’ll be a Great Lover.


For more articles by Russ Longcore, go to Russ Longcore’s Blog.


About Being Latino Contributors

Being Latino contributors consists of individuals and partner organizations. They join us in our goal of providing our audience with a communication platform designed to educate, entertain and connect all peoples across the global Latino spectrum. Together we aim to break down barriers and foster unity and empowerment through informative, thought-provoking dialogue and exchanging of ideas. Giving a unified voice to the multitude of communities that identify with the multidimensional culture that is Latino.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.

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