I could write a book about poor communication. I’ve gotten myself in some tight spots in the past because of poor communication. It can really have a negative affect on your loving relationships, and sometimes the momentary mistakes you make take a long time to repair.
Some guys are chatterboxes. Most guys aren’t. Most guys have been preconditioned that they are supposed to be tough and to stuff their feelings down inside. Chicks are just the opposite. Society (and how they are wired) has given them permission to be more emotional than us guys. But we have to first acknowledge that we need to be better communicators, and then do something about it.
A lack of communication can be:
- Withholding feelings
- False assumptions
- Manipulative behavior
Are you afraid of opening up to your lady for fear that she will think you’re weak? I used to be that way. But I found that allowing myself to feel emotion and speak about my innermost thoughts made me so much more “human” and approachable. There is a time and place to be the knight on a white horse that rides to the rescue. But not 24/7. Knighthood can get pretty lonely.
The first thing you must master is the art of listening. For today, when you’re listening, look your lady in the face. Concentrate on what she is saying. Don’t look past her head at the TV behind her. Don’t look down at her boobs. Maintain eye contact without staring like a zombie…or looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
Then clarify. Summarize what you think she said. You’ll be surprised how often your summary completely misses the point she’s trying to make.
Then listen and summarize again until you get what she’s saying.
You don’t have to offer a solution. Many times your lady will simply want you to lend a sympathetic ear and that’s all.
At the same time, start working on open and honest communication. Try to always speak to your lady in a calm, loving manner. Yelling only makes her pull away from you. And don’t tell me how you can’t help yourself just because you’re a Latino. Think Edward James Olmos. Ever see him yelling?
Here’s a great tip. When you’re communicating, touch her. Hold hands, or some other non-sexual touch. The physical connection will soften both of you toward one another. That’s especially important when the topic of conversation is serious or important.
Men, if you want fantastic sex with your lady, you’ll learn how to be master communicators. She needs the intimate connection that comes from deep communication, and you need it too.
Great communicators are Great Lovers.
By Being Latino Contributor, Russell Longcore. Learn how to write your own articles here.