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The enemies of love, part seven: Poor communication

I could write a book about poor communication. I’ve gotten myself in some tight spots in the past because of poor communication. It can really have a negative affect on your loving relationships, and sometimes the momentary mistakes you make take a long time to repair.

Some guys are chatterboxes. Most guys aren’t. Most guys have been preconditioned that they are supposed to be tough and to stuff their feelings down inside. Chicks are just the opposite. Society (and how they are wired) has given them permission to be more emotional than us guys. But we have to first acknowledge that we need to be better communicators, and then do something about it.

A lack of communication can be:

  • Dishonesty
  • Withholding feelings
  • Stubbornness
  • False assumptions
  • Selfishness
  • Manipulative behavior

Are you afraid of opening up to your lady for fear that she will think you’re weak? I used to be that way. But I found that allowing myself to feel emotion and speak about my innermost thoughts made me so much more “human” and approachable. There is a time and place to be the knight on a white horse that rides to the rescue. But not 24/7. Knighthood can get pretty lonely.

The first thing you must master is the art of listening. For today, when you’re listening, look your lady in the face. Concentrate on what she is saying. Don’t look past her head at the TV behind her. Don’t look down at her boobs. Maintain eye contact without staring like a zombie…or looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

Then clarify. Summarize what you think she said. You’ll be surprised how often your summary completely misses the point she’s trying to make.

Then listen and summarize again until you get what she’s saying.

You don’t have to offer a solution. Many times your lady will simply want you to lend a sympathetic ear and that’s all.

At the same time, start working on open and honest communication. Try to always speak to your lady in a calm, loving manner. Yelling only makes her pull away from you. And don’t tell me how you can’t help yourself just because you’re a Latino. Think Edward James Olmos. Ever see him yelling?

Here’s a great tip. When you’re communicating, touch her. Hold hands, or some other non-sexual touch. The physical connection will soften both of you toward one another. That’s especially important when the topic of conversation is serious or important.

Men, if you want fantastic sex with your lady, you’ll learn how to be master communicators. She needs the intimate connection that comes from deep communication, and you need it too.

Great communicators are Great Lovers.


By Being Latino Contributor, Russell Longcore. Learn how to write your own articles here.

About Adriana Villavicencio

Dr. Adriana Villavicencio is the youngest child of Ecuadorian immigrants. She has moved 29 times in her life, taking her on a journey from California to Bangalore, India, and New York City, where she recently earned a Ph.D. in Education Leadership and works as a Research Associate at New York University. An avid traveler, Adriana has collected experiences in four different continents and 16 different countries. But as a former high school English teacher, some of her fondest memories are those of her brilliant and brilliantly funny students in Brooklyn and Oakland. Adriana has contributed to several publications including the Daily News and, and is a managing editor for the Journal of Equity in Education. She earned a B.A. in English and an M.A. in English Education at Columbia University, and currently serves on the board of Columbia’s Latino Alumni Association (LAACU). She enjoys scary movies with red vines, Sauvignon Blanc, and her Maltese dog, Napoleon.

To learn more about Adriana’s education consulting company, please visit

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.

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