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The enemies of love, part six: Lack of commitment

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Getty Images

Commitment scares a lot of guys. It goes back to the last article on stereotypes. If you have a preconceived idea of what commitment means, and it’s not where you want to be, you are going to have big problems in establishing a loving relationship with a lady.

I know a young man, age 31, who was living with a woman for about a year (no commitment). They broke up last fall and she moved out. Then he met a woman at a car dealership who was the Service Manager. She’d been married three times already and was recently divorced, with kids from each father. The young man went crazy and married her after knowing her only a month. I just heard today that they are now separated and getting a divorce.

That fellow went from being afraid of commitment to making huge commitments nearly overnight. He should get his neck checked out…he might have whiplash.

Commitment in a relationship should come gradually over time. It should be like building a house…first the foundation, then the floors and walls, then the roof. And the foundation must be strong, or the whole house will tumble down when the storms of life hit it.

The best way to make sure that you are not making commitments in error is through total honesty with your lady. You must tell her your deepest thoughts and share what you want from your relationship. But that requires that you actually KNOW what you want from a relationship. If you’re just looking for a good time, and she is looking for a husband, you’re not compatible. Don’t string her along. She’ll come to think of you as an asshole later.

Lack of commitment is based in fear. So don’t put yourself into situations where you have anything to fear. Honesty will be your greatest tool.

Make small commitments in the beginning of your relationship. Simply be on time and keep your word to her. Then build on that with more small commitments. Over time, the bigger commitments won’t seem scary. Then, when you make the biggest commitment…marriage…you’ll be ready and willing.

Guys who are not afraid of commitments make Great Lovers.


By Being Latino Contributor, Russel Longcore.

About Adriana Villavicencio

Dr. Adriana Villavicencio is the youngest child of Ecuadorian immigrants. She has moved 29 times in her life, taking her on a journey from California to Bangalore, India, and New York City, where she recently earned a Ph.D. in Education Leadership and works as a Research Associate at New York University. An avid traveler, Adriana has collected experiences in four different continents and 16 different countries. But as a former high school English teacher, some of her fondest memories are those of her brilliant and brilliantly funny students in Brooklyn and Oakland. Adriana has contributed to several publications including the Daily News and, and is a managing editor for the Journal of Equity in Education. She earned a B.A. in English and an M.A. in English Education at Columbia University, and currently serves on the board of Columbia’s Latino Alumni Association (LAACU). She enjoys scary movies with red vines, Sauvignon Blanc, and her Maltese dog, Napoleon.

To learn more about Adriana’s education consulting company, please visit

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.

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