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The enemies of love, part ten: Lack of self esteem

Getty Images

Getty Images

Your self-esteem is a continual reflection of what you think about yourself on the inside and what you do on the outside.

Self esteem issues can derail a relationship fast. It can also keep a relationship from happening altogether. Usually when someone has self esteem issues, it affects their everyday interaction with people. And some of the characteristics could be a red flag to others that you have some issues that they don’t want in their lives.

What are some self esteem issues?

1. People Pleaser: Do you subsume your own desires, feelings and thoughts to others? Perhaps you don’t believe that you are worthy to express yourself and get your own needs met.

2. Jealousy: Perhaps you don’t think you are worthy of another’s love and devotion, and believe that your lady will cheat on you given any opportunity.

3. Anger: You might strike out at others first because you think they will eventually strike out at you.

4. Cold and distant: You may believe that you are not worthy of intimacy…that if another person knew what you were like inside, they would run away.

5. Physical or verbal abuser: This is often times passed down from parents. You feel that you must be such a bad person that the abuse is deserved.

6. Rejecter: You reject others first before they can learn about you and reject you.

7. Defined by work: Your job defines you as a person, and if your job goes away, you lose your identity.

8. Focus on the past: “If I had only…” and “If I only had…” show deep dissatisfaction and a reluctance to live in the present.

9. Negative self-talk: Most of the unhappiness in our life comes because we listen to ourself more than we talk to ourself.

10. Addictions: Feelings of worthlessness take over once an addiction happens, which feed the addiction more. You spiral downward.

How to overcome negative self-esteem:

• Forgiveness – you must work on forgiving yourself and others. Holding grudges keeps YOU captive, not others. They’re living their lives while you’re all tied up. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Others make mistakes too. Move on with your life.

• Self-talk – Your mind hears the things you say about yourself and works to fulfill what you say. So in order to reprogram your mind, you MUST speak positive, affirming words OUT LOUD so your ears can hear your own voice. Record yourself saying these words of personal forgiveness and hope and play them over and over.

• People associations – The old saying is “Lie down with the dogs, get up with the fleas.” You cannot hang with negative people and not get negative yourself. If you have negative friends, put some distance between you and them.

Over time, you can overcome bad self-esteem. You might benefit from some counseling with a professional such as a pastor or psychologist. They can be very helpful.

People with low self-esteem cannot become Great Lovers. Change yourself!!


For more articles by Russ Longcore, go to Russ Longcore’s Blog

About Being Latino Contributors

Being Latino contributors consists of individuals and partner organizations. They join us in our goal of providing our audience with a communication platform designed to educate, entertain and connect all peoples across the global Latino spectrum. Together we aim to break down barriers and foster unity and empowerment through informative, thought-provoking dialogue and exchanging of ideas. Giving a unified voice to the multitude of communities that identify with the multidimensional culture that is Latino.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.

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