Let’s look forward into the future, shall we? The harsh November weather has forced the American populace indoors, glued to the coverage of the presidential election. CNN announces the electoral votes one by one.
“With 99% of precincts reporting, Barack Obama has won the state of New York.”
“With 99% of precincts reporting – Mitt Romney has won…Arizona?”
The two spar back and forth into the night, with every news outlet striving to be the first to report. Inevitably, the tide begins to turn and the victor become apparent.
“We are pleased to report, Republican candidate Mitt Romney has won the election.” The anchor shuffles his papers and clears his throat.
“Mitt Romney is the first Latino president of these United States.”
Flash forward to a victory speech. Mitt looks tired, but overjoyed as he waves to the gathered crowd. Behind him, his running mate and close confidant, TV personality Don Francisco claps approvingly. As Mitt prepares to take the podium for his speech, a man in a Barack Obama mask is being played off stage by El Chacál.
This is the world of Mexican Mitt Romney.
Sure, a lot has been said of Romney’s heritage. No, the man is not ethnically Latino (gracias a Díos), but his father was born in the American colony of Chihuahua. Under Mexican law, Mitt could apply for dual citizenship by presenting to any Mexican consulate. All that separates us from Mexican Mitt Romney is a signature and two forms of I.D.
How has Romney responded to this potentially game changing reality? One would kind of hope the political establishment so starved for a foothold within the Latino community would use this as a stepping stone to his valuable constituents. Our boy Mitt took the high road, though, and recently made some comments about how the undocumented should volunteer for self-deportation. Turn yourself in and the immigration problem just goes away.
Enter Chris Garcia, Lalo Alcaraz, Paul Encinas, and the good folks over at Pocho.
In this send up of the ‘Mexi-Mormon’ candidate, ‘Mitt’ raps about his life as the first Latino presidential candidate in what is quite possibly the funniest two minute piece of internet you may see during this election cycle. As explained in the video, Mitt is ‘straight outta’ Mitt-huacán’ and is ‘in it to guin it’. The video shows his promise to open up the borders and provide all with free health care – something that is funny when actually compared to what Mitt would actually like to do. To drive this irony home, the rap is peppered with a sound-byte of the real Mitt explaining his self deportation plan.
Take some time today and check it out. Even if you are gunning for Mitt to kick Obama out of office, it is bound to make you smile and be a good way to cap off your week. As the vitriol and campaigning continue, and if Mitt Romney is indeed the Republican nominee, try to keep in mind what he could have accomplished had he chose to embrace his Latino roots.