The Pew Research Center released data showing that Latinos are no longer the largest group of new immigrants to The United States. The title now belongs to Asians.
Well played, Asians. Well played. (While you can’t see this, I’m currently giving you an ironic standing ovation, complete with a deliberate slow clap.)
Photo: dailylifeofmojo
The game, however, is far from over. With so much at stake, The Latino community is seething and El Guapo and The Daily Refried are currently organizing international rallies to rectify this situation. Fine, truth be told, we couldn’t come up with much of a plan so they’re pretty much just orgies. Just big ol’ orgies meant to get Latinos back in the game through reproduction, because being the largest group of new immigrants brings with it oh so many perks, including:
- a significant and authentic representation in television and film (The maid and landscaper market is ours, so back the hell off, Asians.)
- a nationwide respect for societal contributions, culture and language.
- a deep respect for the cultural nuances among your very different national and ethnic identities. (For the sake of simplicity though, you will all be assumed to be from one country, have one religion, and have homogeneous opinions on just about everything. For instance, in order to streamline, all Latino immigrants are assumed to be Mexican. It’s a timesaver. I’m sure you understand.)
- an appreciation for immigration as a fundamental part of an ever globalizing economy.
These proposed gatherings will obviously happen in border towns along the US/Mexico border – where nine months later we will use hand-me-down catapults the cartels have used to launch drugs and guns over the border fence to instead launch immigrant children from Mexico and Central and South America.
The power of being the number one group of new immigrants has so many advantages that it seems inevitable that one of two things occur:
1. The two groups will join forces, creating an immigrant behemoth to be reckoned with – one that is phenomenal at math and has the landscaping prowess of one young Edward Scissorhands.
Here is just one example – found on Pocho.com of what just one benefit of this hybrid might look like: Chicano-Japanese rap.
2. There will be a bloody war (think Mothra versus El Chapulin Colorado) leaving only one group standing, waiting to be embraced by a loving, accepting, immigrant-loving nation.
Your handsome and humble servant -
El Guapo writes The Daily Refried, and is, without question, the foremost authority on all things sinvergüenza. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter @TheDailyRefried.
About Being Latino Contributors
No race war since Latinos are not a race. Besides Latinos of Asian descent already exist, there are millions throughout Latin America. Most notably in Peru and Brazil. In fact the first Latino NASA astronaut was of Asian descent Franklin Chang Diaz.
PS. Mothra wins
Freakin hilarious! LOL!!!
jajaja
i dont think it can be a race war being that there are MANY Asians living in Latin America as well, the largest Japanese population outside of Japan lives in Brazil. its true.
Latinos are not a race nor are Asians.
Reductive statements like “Latino isn’t a race” adds nothing productive or critical to conversations about race and ethnicity regarding people of Latin American and Carribean descent. The fact of the matter is that populations like Mexican Americans and Puerto Ricans have historically been racialized as groups other than “white” and have consequently been discriminated against. And from at least the 1970s onward, Latino/Hispanic more broadly has been racialized as something other than “white.” Generally speaking, when social scientists, other academics, and activists use the word “race,” they’re referring to a socially (rather than biologically) constructed category. Furthermore, I generally think that decontextualized and uncritical statements like “Latino isn’t a race” tend to discount the racism many Latina/os face in the US as not really racism.
A couple examples of academic research about the racialization of Mexican Americans and Latinos, see: Ethic Labels, Latino Lives: Identity and the Politics of (Re)Presentation in the United States by Suzanne Oboler, Recovering History, Constructing Race: The Indian, Black, and White Roots of Mexican Americans by Martha Menchaca, and Manifest Destinies: The Making of the Mexican American Race by Laura Gomez.
We are not a race, Asians either. Just the concept of “race” has so many flaws… for many reasons people need to know WHEN and HOW to use the word “race”.
But DNC fronts like La Raza, NAACP, and MEChA want us to be a race, because they play that card, and it’s all a big scam to get entitlements and monies from the Democrat party in exchange for votes. There are many concentration camps in the Democrat plantation.