Ladies, imagine yourself out on the town with your friends. You’re looking good, the club isn’t too crowded – you’re having a great time. You glance quickly across the bar and you see a blob-like man slowly make his way over to you. His hair is combed over, his beady eyes darting shiftily around the room – the kind of man that you’ve heard just really doesn’t like brown people. He saunters over to you, leans an elbow on the bar and says, “Hey Girl, I’m Sheriff Joe…”
I apologize for any nightmares that I may have just caused.
Maricopa County sheriff (and human wart, in my opinion) Joe Arpaio is easily one of the most polarizing figures in American law enforcement. As the voice of the law in Maricopa, Arizona, ‘Sheriff Joe’ has long been at the epicenter of the immigration debate, openly and overtly supporting measures such as SB 1070. As county sheriff, he has been accused countless times of racial profiling and has been sued over 2700 times since 2004. This benefits Mr. Arpaio because, let’s face it, SB 1070 allows for legal profiling. Guess whose department just saved a ton of money in legal fees.
The ‘Toughest Sheriff in the U.S.’ has recently drawn even more controversy, facing allegations that his department has repeatedly ignored and botched over 400 sex crime allegations in a predominantly Hispanic area west of Phoenix. On top of this, there is the case of Ernest Atencio, the Latino vet that died in the custody one of Arpaio’s jails. Needless to say, Cowboy Joe has a lot of problems on his plate.
In light of the scandals, a new Tumblr page has emerged called “Hey Girl…I’m Sheriff Joe.” This page offers a harrowing glimpse into the imagined pickup lines of Joe Arpaio. Each photograph posted features Arpaio in a different stance or position, with the ever present ‘Hey Girl…’ in the corner followed by a pick-up line that might be used by Cowboy Joe himself. Such gems include:
“Hey girl…like magic, I’ll make your worries disappear. Just like those sex crimes I was supposed to investigate.”
“Hey girl…let’s ride into the sunset together. I don’t want to live in a place where people expect me to do my job right.”
“Hey girl…I’m whispering because the FBI is investigating me. Still, I have nothing to hide when it comes to my love for you…”
And perhaps the most predictive photograph, “Hey girl…talk louder. I can’t hear you over the calls for my resignation.”
Though the creator of this blog is making light of some very serious crimes and allegations, this meme is quickly becoming one of the most popular on the internet. Arpaio is a figure that deserves to be made fun of. Even if he is forced to resign as a result of his recent problems, a fate that is perhaps too kind, it’s good to know that in some way we can laugh at the situation and the person who is causing it.
About Ryan Almodovar