Chapter IV: When to call it quits!

by Arlene Olivencia and Adriana Villavicencio

Women are always talking about what’s wrong with the men in their lives. They want to throw every fish back into the sea because he doesn’t match their ideal of perfection. He’s not tall enough. He’s not built like Vin Diesel. He doesn’t have the right job. He has a job, but he spends too much time at work. He’s too quiet. He talks my ear off. He’s not very affectionate. He’s smothering me! If this is all you’ve got, count your blessings and make that man a steak because the next guy will show you what real problems are.

Instead of spending time and energy on gripes that aren’t conducive to a loving relationship, you should worry about the things that actually matter – characteristics that’ll have a significant impact on your future with this person.

So what exactly merits calling it quits? To avoid Armageddon, get out early if you spot any of the following RED FLAGS:

• Extreme cockiness: You know the type. They’re too cool for school and any conversation that isn’t about them isn’t worth talking about. They show no humility, never admit to any flaws, and act as if they’re doing you a favor by even showing up. These qualities reek of intense narcissism or extreme insecurity. Both should be avoided like the plague.

• Possessive or aggressive behavior: If you notice your guy glaring at any man who looks your way or threatening violence in hypothetical situations (even if it seems like he’s kidding), alarms should go off. Everyone gets jealous from time to time, but if it seems like this person is operating solely from a defensive place (Must exterminate all threats!), then this relationship will endanger you or at the very least drive you crazy.

• Poor treatment/Umbilical cord attachment of/to his mother: This may be difficult to assess on the first few dates, but it’s worth noticing how he talks about his mother. A man’s mother is the first primary relationship in his life and sets the stage for relationships with women throughout his life (the same is true of daughters and their fathers). If he shows disrespect or antagonism towards her, then he’ll most likely show the same to you. On the other extreme, if he brings up his mother all the time and consults her about what underwear to buy, then he’s still an umbilically-attached adolescent trapped in a grown man’s body who isn’t ready for the emotional maturity required by an adult relationship.

Run, don’t walk, and take your leave with grace. There’s no need to end things with drawn out conversations, tears, or a yelling match. Be direct and state in simple terms that you’re looking for a different type of relationship and set boundaries that work for you (e.g., don’t call me.)

Rule of Thumb:

When dating, don’t think about how he can fit your ideal and accept him for his flaws. More often than not, men embrace yours and don’t try to fit you into any ideal because, to them, you already are.

To learn more about Adriana, visit The Radical Ideas.

To learn more about Arlene, visit L Line Chronicles.

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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those
of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.

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