by Cindy Tovar
I was completely unaware that I was Latina until the first grade. It was lunch time, and some of my classmates carried brown paper bags with them to the cafeteria, while others got in line for the free lunch. I carried my little tan thermos.
I watched my friend take a bite of her sandwich. I couldn’t help noticing the sticky, gooey substance in her mouth as she chewed with her mouth open.
“What are you eating?” I asked.
“Peanut butter and jelly,” she answered.
I’d never heard of it. “Can I try?”
She let me take a bite…and instantly there was a party in my mouth. This heavenly mixture was delicious!
I sighed as I opened my thermos and dug in with my plastic spoon.
“What’s that?” my friend asked.
“Oh. Umm…” I stalled, thinking hard. “It’s…ah-rose.” Somehow, I knew not to roll the r’s.
It was rice and beans. But I’d never heard it called anything except arroz con frijoles, and I wasn’t about to try to say that mouthful of a phrase.
It was at that moment that I realized two things:
1) I needed to have a serious talk with my mom about adding PB & J to my diet.
2) I was different, but I didn’t know how or why.
As my journey through school continued, I noticed other things: My parents couldn’t help me with my homework the way other parents could. Also, I always had to translate for them, and as a shy girl, this was the worst thing you could ask me to do.
It affected me socially, too. I couldn’t do a lot of things my friends could: Sleepovers were usually a lost battle. Going to the movies or a dance unchaperoned? Out of the question. Walking to school by myself didn’t happen until mid-freshman year of high school (feel free to put that big L on my forehead).
There were definitely disadvantages to growing up Latino in America, the most serious being the fact that my parents couldn’t help me. I was pretty much on my own when it came to my education. Either I paid attention in class so I knew how to do my homework, or I’d fail.
I still remember the afternoon when my parents and I racked our brains, stumped by a picture of what looked to us like a bed, but the fill-in-the-blanks puzzle underneath it read ‘_ _ t’. The next day I learned that the word was “cot”. How was I supposed to know what a cot was? I’d never seen one, heard of one, or slept on one. But it was something I was expected to know.
This is why Latino kids are at a disadvantage. Sometimes our environments aren’t conducive to learning. And even when they are, as hard as our parents may try, there will still be deficits in our knowledge and range of experiences, some of which, much like that word puzzle, I’m still trying to fill in.
To learn more about Cindy, visit Dagnys Dichotomy.
______________________________________________________________
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those
of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
About Cindy Tovar
As a Latina, I can say I do realize we have really different lives in comparison but even though I had similar disadvantages as you growing up, I learned that by reading … a lot … I learned more about the things that mainstream public schools offered up as an education here to survive and assimilate. I still think that the American way of teaching is a bit lame considering that my parents learned algebra by 3rd grade in Mexico. My son is in 4th grade in the U.S. and is barely learning fractions.
I understand you experience but I don’t think Latino Kids are at disadvantage.
My younger son is enrolled in a bilingual school in Arlington, VA where all the students regardless of their ethnicity are being taught in English and Spanish. Being Latino give us a sense of belonging, and our culture is beautiful and not being aware of other culture is not a disadvantage is just something new we have to learn and by learning we gaining new experiences. I feel that my kids are twice as smart, having to think in Spanish and English, they belong in this country and when they go back home they also belong there too. Just look at you your experience is who you are now, you write very well, and I am hoping you are doing well too. America is not all about PB & J, we have so many cultures here, and well educated Americans are embracing the Latino Culture, just think about the fact that my son goes to a well funded bilingual public school in Arlington, VA, where there is a very good mix of many culture. My son interacts with white kids, Asian kids, African kids, Middle Eastern kids, and Latinos, he is American, and he is also Latino, and when people call him Mathew he will respond my name is MATEO, and he loves PB & J and Rice and Beans!
I think you are overlooking an amazing fact in this story. You were raised bilingual and because of your parents depending on your translation force that shy girl to be stronger. Now because of filling the need of your family you are able to write this. Unchaperoned… I assure you because of that you did not do drugs or got pregnant before 15. I have a quote for you have a great day
Monica Hernandez
Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow. ~Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros
Da Gracias por lo q eres hoy, y sigue luchando por lo q quieres ser para el mañana .
Hmm, I think “Latino kids are at a disadvantage” is a bit too general of a blanket statement (and kind of insulting to me, the mother of Latino kids!) Having rice & beans rather than PB & J is hardly leading a disadvantaged life — though I realize you were simply using that example as a metaphor for the cultural differences you encountered. As a Latina who WAS allowed to do sleepovers, going to movies and dances and parties unchaperoned, I can tell you this: I became pregnant at 17. I take full responsibility for my own actions and don’t blame my parents, but perhaps a tighter leash would have kept me more “in check.” So while it may have sucked when you were in that age group, it may have kept you on a positive path past adolescence.
It seems the major difficulties you faced were not the result of being Latino, but of having parents who did not fluently speak English, the dominant language of American society. That’s a whole ‘nother issue though, as many Latino parents DO speak English and DON’T need their kids to translate and CAN help their kids with their homework. But your parents were likely busy with other things like, oh, say, keeping a roof over your head and that arroz con frijoles in your tummy…
I think to use the word “disadvantage” is a generalization. And like other posters here, your issue were parents who did not speak the English language enough, or at all. And that made things a little more difficult for you, at times. I went to dances, but other things were a NO. My parents kept tight reins on me- but I am thankful for that today.
Perhaps I am overgeneralizing, and of course I don’t mean to insult any parents out there of Latino kids. And I agree, there are definitely advantages to being Latino and bilingual. It’s the reason I want my own kids (when I have them) to be bilingual as well.
I think that as long as immigrants keep coming here, their children will probably share some of my experiences. And in turn, when the American-born Latinos, (or the ones who came here as children and have assimilated), have children, their kids will have the benefit of having parents who have been through the educational system themselves.
Monica, thanks for the quote!
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! Reading this reminded me of my life…the story begins the same way. While my parents couldn’t help me with vocabulary words, being fluent in Spanish eventually came in handy with any new vocabulary words having a Latin etymology such as what one finds on the SATs. As children, we didn’t have help, but I have grown stronger because of it. I couldn’t rely on anyone else so I learned to do it all by myself. Eventually I also learned that’s it’s OK to ask for help because although we can do it alone, allowing someone to help is always nice. Thanks for taking me down memory lane.
love this! definitely brought back memories! I agree with Glenys Vargas…what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! My parents were unable to help me with my homework, or allowed me to experience a lot of things, but in the end, it did make me a stronger woman, a diligent mom and a hard worker.
I think it’s more of a “first-generation Latino” issue than a generalized Latino issue. I grew up in a working class neighborhood mixed with Mexican Americans and white people. Most Mexicans (as we always called ourselves) were like me — 6th, 5th generation Texans — very much assimilated. Some of us spoke both languages, some didn’t. There were a few first and second generation Mexicans, and you could clearly see the differences between them and us. One good friend of mine couldn’t stay out late, attend sleepovers, or date. We became very creative when thinking of ways to circumvent her parents’ strict rules. But the differences went beyond the social — school wasn’t enforced as a priority (this was the 70s and 80s), nor was she ever encouraged to explore beyond her own culture and neighborhood. In my house, school was priority one, and we were encouraged to be active in many activities (I was the one having sleepovers in our tiny house). College was expected. Traveling was a given. Course, I do admit that the fact that I may be “different” because I was Latino didn’t hit me until I was in college and experienced bigotry for the first time. But that’s a different topic for a different day.
It’s true that first-generation Latinos may have it harder in the assimilation process, I believe it really begins with the parents’ expectations when they arrive in the US. Thanks for sharing your story and perspective!
I thought that I was the only one! LOL! I hated the translation thing! I was painfully shy as a little kid and I hated when I was called on to translate for my parents! Ayy ya ya!
In hind sight view, Bilingual children have huge advantanges both locally and internationally as one day (ONE DAY SIGH), the U.S. will embrace multilingualism for the sake of international trade and Latino children are half way connected to that advantage. However, today I see what Cindy is saying. On a general basis we can find plenty of examples of having this particular upbringing as being advantageous but if you apply it Geographically, say in NYC, Chicago, Philly, latino kids face the same disadvantages as other kids, disengaged parents. In the case of latino kids, many due to language and culture, especially if the families are also from poor areas in the “old country”. Not being able to figure out what a “Cot” looks like is the same as not being able to fill out a FAFSA form. I grew up in both an urban school district and the Dominican Republic and if it wasnt for the fact that I noticed how advanced DR elementary education was, I would not have even conceived that High School was just a step towards a higher realm of education. Many of the kids today fail to capture that imagination. There is a reason less than a quarter of latinos go to and graduate College.
I think it’s safe to say that unless you’re an immigrant like myself who was born and raised abroad, all these “disadvantages” are the product of not being exposed to different things and having such a limited vocabulary.
I remember my uncle asking me to go and get a snack from the “pantry” and I looked at him like he was speaking Chinese.
Reading and keeping a diverse group of friends helps.
Great post Cindy. Most definitely can relate!