by Lisa Quinoñes-Fontanez
Photo by caminasinpensar
I’ve always felt like I’ve never had a place. Dancing between two worlds in cultural limbo. Growing up in a diverse Latino neighborhood and not speaking Spanish, I heard it all: valley girl, gringa, stupida. Accused of not being proud of my heritage and interrogated on why my mother never taught me Spanish; my mother silently accused of parental neglect. Why did I never learn to speak Spanish? Well, that’s for a whole other post.
Whenever friends or family slip into Spanish, I try to listen for words I understand and connect the pieces of conversations, like a puzzle. Through the years, I’ve educated myself on Puerto Rican history and read Latino authors trying to prove my cultural worth. I love my culture. I love everything about Puerto Rico: its people, history, resilience, music, and food. I’ve realized pride can never replace language. Because when I tell people I’m Puerto Rican but don’t speak Spanish, their response is, “You’re not really Puerto Rican.”
Now as a writer, I’m trying to establish my identity. And once again, I’m dancing between two worlds. In the grand blogosphere, I find myself questioning: am I a Latina Blogger or Blogera Imposter? Is there a place for a Latina writer who’s not a Latina writer? My name will suggest ethnicity. But name alone is never enough. And cultural identity needs to be proven. 
In receiving feedback on an autobiographical essay I wrote about my initial reaction to my son’s autism diagnosis, my professor stated that she would have liked to see more of an ethnic socioeconomic perspective. Why isn’t my own perspective enough?
And I can’t help but wonder: what will make my writing ethnic? More importantly, if I can’t make my writing more ethnic, where does that leave me? In Hollywood, you could be a Latino actor/actress and not play a Latino. Why are writers typecast and forced to choose? 
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To learn more about Lisa,
visit http://autismwonderland.blogspot.com/.
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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.
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About Being Latino Contributors
I wouldn’t worry about making anything you write more “ethnic” because from what you’re saying that wouldn’t be true to who you are. I would also be interested in what your professor meant by her comment, does she automatically think that you belong to a certain socieconomic class based on ethnicity?
I can relate to your questions because I didn’t grow up in a Spanish-speaking household and learned the Spanish I know in school in Germany. Does that make me any less Latina? I find that in looking at a group of people, others tend to forget that there are different individual experiences and what being Latina means to you won’t be the same as it means to someone else. The best bet is just to write from your heart and in a way that allows any reader to put themselves in your shoes, if only for a moment.
Thank you for posting this. It’s really hard to negotiate who we are with what other people think we should be. It’s even worse when we impose this on other Latin@s. I grew up speaking English in a middle class household. We were Protestant, not Catholic. None of these things make me less Latina. drawing these distinctions among ourselves makes us weaker as a group, not stronger.
Whenever we are asked for an ‘ethnic’ perspective, I have to ask myself what makes something ‘ethnic.’ Don’t we all have ethnicities? Don’t we all have backgrounds and come from somewhere?
What the question really implies is that we are somehow exotic/other. We do not fit neatly into the small box we have been given and it is not our job to try to squeeze into it. If the current definitions of Latin@ mean speaking Spanish, being brown, etc do not fit us as a Latin@ population, then we clearly need to rewrite the definition.
I don’t think not knowing the Spanish language really takes away from being a bloguera, especially if you have a clear grasp of your cutlure, which it seems like you do. I’m a Mexican-American with a father from Puebla and a mother from North Carolina. I speak Spanish, and am considered an expert of the Mexican culture to my friends here in U.S. When I visit family in Mexico, however, I’m no longer Mexican-Amercian and only American…regardless of the fact that I defend my Mexicanness in Spanish.
I think there will always be a fine line for people like us, and remember that the rich language of Spanish isn’t going anywhere. Your relatives may give you a hard time at first, but if you kindly ask them for help in learning el idioma they’ll come around.
I’ve had the same issues when choosing my writing path, I mean should we announce everywhere “I’m a Latino” in all our work. I’ve chosen not to, and it’s gotten me good results. I try to be me, not what someone else thinks I should be. Being true to yourself is way more important than being a walking-talking stereo type!
I didn’t grow up with tons of Spanish either. I did live in a fairly strong Hispanic community for quite a few years (Mexican, though I’m Cuban), but I only learned minimal Spanish. I stuck with my father’s language, which was Russian and I ended up moving and living there later on in my teens and then to the Middle East for a while. I sometimes feel silly saying I’m Latina, just because I’ve had many (99% of the time, white Americans) people tell me “Well, you don’t look Hispanic to me at all!” and then I feel self conscious, which honestly, is ridiculous if you think about it! At the end of the day, you know who you are and I know who I am! I’m a mix of many things and I identify in many different ways. I do hope to learn more Spanish though and try to keep the spirit of Hispanic/Cuban pride alive in my daughter, even though she was born in Russia and will probably always identify as Russian more than anything else.
Thanks Nicolle for your generous response. I had previously explained to my professor that whenever reading anything on Autism – it’s usually written by white upper middle class men/women. The Latino experience and autism is practically non-existent. So I want to bring light to that. That being said, my piece wasn’t ethnic enough for her – I guess she wanted me to write about the plight of the poor Latina struggling. I’m sure she had her own expectations. I try to write as honestly as possible, and I can’t be anything more than what I am. And at this point, I’m content being right in the middle
My features are very “European” so I don’t look like a Shakira or the stereotypical Latina or like “Rosa” the “Mexican maid” So I get treated differently until I speak and an accent comes with my English. Language is a part of CULTURE! but its not everything about it and it has nothing to do with your ethnicity! You are as Puerto Rican as your mother.
On to the plight of Autism. My mother a 1st generation immigrant from South America, gave birth to my brother on South America, who was later diagnosed with Autism. She fought for him…she was poor, very very poor but she always fought for him, a lot of ups and downs, but I am proud to say that my brother now holds 2 bachelor’s degrees: One in Systems Engeneering and Bussiness Management and Administration. Is now 29 years old and owns his own house and is a fully participating and active member of “normal” society.
If you would like more info on this, institutions directed in Latin America and on US to help Autistic kids, and other experiences that have shaped our lives feel free to respond to this or contact me.
Good luck.
Thank you all for your responses, insight, sharing your stories – I’m enjoying reading them! It makes me love being Latina that much more, we go above and beyond the stereotype and within our culture there is so much diversity – so much we can learn from each other. I certainly agree that “drawing these distinctions among ourselves makes us weaker as a group, not stronger” and it’s up to us to “rewrite the definition.”
I really get sick and tired of people who think that they have the right to determine how latino/a you are just b/c you don’t speak spanish or are too “americanized” or you’re educated and speak proper english as if that’s such a crime and then defend their stupidity by “representing” what you acting like @#$% b/c you’re sure don’t represent me! No one has a right to judge or call anyone names. There’s a lot of people who assimilate and do this to survive and may not instill the language in their children but that’s their choice not anyone else to condemn b/c doing that just shows ignorance and lack of the ability to think outside the box. So who cares if we don’t fit some pre conceived notion or have a specific look? If we all were the same, looked the same it would be a pretty boring world. Latinos should respect and support each other regardless of “look” language, etc. maybe we would be more unified together as a community if we looked past all of this petty nonsense.
Your professor’s comments were very ignorant and ethnocentric. She was looking for a typical response and was disappointed that she got your individual perspective. Don’t worry about those who haved judged as they are the ones who are “stupid”. I read your blog on autism very informative and inspirational.
Lisa, great blog, I really enjoyed reading it. I am in the same situation as you which is trying to define who my audience is. My first language is Spanish and English my second. I just started writing but I have not figured out who I like to write for. I am in two different worlds, I am a US Citizen but I am also a Hispanic Immigrant. I suggest being yourself which is what i am trying to do as well.
Thank you so much for your comment – asd:p
sorry for the late response, I’ve fallen behind.
Would love to hear more information on your mother, brother and institutions related to children on the spectrum. Please feel free to contact me at autismwonderland@gmail.com – many thanks again!
write for yourself! only you can be a great writer. I f someone have to suggest a topic, try painting