by Lisa Quinones-Fontanez
It happened at FoodTown while making my biweekly comprita. Pushing my shopping cart at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday, purchasing a pillow sack of Canilla rice, cans of Goya beans, the ingredients for sofrito and all the other necessary items to feed a small family. The young cashier referred to me as señora. I’ve been called other things before: ma’am, miss, mom and lady. But being called señora by this high school girl, made me cringe.
I heard señora as a respectful slur. Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of my age; I like being thirty-five. “Thirties are the new twenties” – isn’t that the phrase. Sure my body after childbirth isn’t what it used to be and I could stand to lose five to ten pounds around the
middle. Still, I like to think I look pretty okay for the mom of a five year old.
But in this youth obsessed culture a word like señora can make you feel twice your age. For me, señora implies this old world social status. This rite of womanly passage, I’m not quite ready for. And it has nothing to do with vanity. Yes, it makes me feel old but not in the way one might assume.
Growing up, I called many women señora: my mother’s friends, my friend’s mothers, teachers and women at church. Older women – who dyed their hair, played bingo, shuffled around in slippers and watched novelas. Their elbows propped on pillows, looking out windows. A señora is always ready to serve up a plate of arroz with whatever (whether you are hungry or not) and will bid you bendición upon leaving.
Una señora is the esteemed matriarch of the family, someone to learn from and turn to. She is spoken of with reverence. She has raised her children and has no qualms telling you how to raise yours. She is the bearer of secrets and a lifetime of wisdom. She has 
seen the world evolve, known true suffering and experienced immense joy. She has let go of regrets, somewhat satisfied with how things have turned out.
I am not this woman.
Una señora has lived. My life, in so many ways, has just begun. I am somewhere in between. Far from señorita, slowly approaching señora status. But there isn’t a word for that. So please don’t call me señora. I haven’t earned it just yet.
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To learn more about Lisa,
visit http://www.autismwonderland.com/..
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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.
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I blinked twice the first time I was referred to as Dona! It doesn’t bother me, I earned it
Lisa, interestingly enough another context for that word that I absolutely detest is when my husband, seven years my junior introduces me to his (also younger than me) friends as his señora!!! I’m not the quintessential housewife and mother that HIS mom was – I’m a modern woman of the new millennium DARN IT!! Keep those posts coming!!!!
I mean I always had the image of the woman of yesteryear who deferred all decisions the the male figure of the house and was often subjugated in the home she created and kept runni g like a well oiled machine. I hope I’m making sense, thanks!
Very cool perspective. My 31-yr old cousin also cringes when I call her “Señora” (which I’ve done since I was little out of respect, since she’s 10ish yrs older and married) and even says “Señorita” for me to repeat even though I’m over 20
Maybe that girl was just being respectful: she may have been taught to call “señora” “older” women or those with some sign of looking like they’re married/a mom.
When I’m referred to as “señora” I correct them and explain I’m a “señorita con damage”!
This is a great read! I myself struggled with that term… at first, not wanting to be considered “old” then gradually accepting it. Now I wear it as a badge of honor and a well deserved show of respect for my status as a mother and a woman. Learning that I rather be respected than disrespected. I no longer care to be “looked” at as if I am trying to hold on to my youth. This was a great article
Thank you so much for your comments. I know the cashier meant it out of respect, not faulting her in the least. It’s just my own perspective on how I see myself and other women in my life.
I try to stay away from any words such as la Mujer, la Esposa, or anything that give posession to the mail.
I really try to educate people into moving away from them. It indirectly implies something which should no longer happen.
I understand you Cynthia.
Oh I like that!
LOL.. great way to get the other person to stop calling you Sra.
Lisa,
I guess when you really will get uncomfortable is when they call you Doña that reaches another level. But both of them are from respect. Don originally comes from De Origen Noble which means Royalty. There was a time when people would want to be called does name to establish there places in there communities.
On the other side I guess you have to measure intention of the person and many cultures even in the Latino community communicate differently.
Great explanation on your perspective of Sra.
LOL – I do love that too! Senorita con damage.
Great post Lisa – I would cringe at it too, so I guess it’s a good there aren’t too many Spanish speakers in Gohtenburg!
This was great Lisa! I enjoyed reading it.
ay dios mio. get over yourself. senorita = girl, senora = woman. I am a woman, and appreciate the respect.