by Ulises Silva
Seriously?
I know this’ll come as an absolute shock to you, but Taco Bell, and any Mexican restaurant with schlocky advertising (seriously, “Yo quiero Taco Bell?”), a drive-thru, and anything with the word “mild” printed on it isn’t real Mexican food. And forget any restaurant that claims to be “authentic.” You can tell it’s fake by turning off the lights and seeing if those globs of melted nacho cheese glow in the dark.
No, the horrible truth about Mexican food is that most people have been conditioned to dislike real Mexican food despite its deliciousness and non-glowing properties.
I can almost understand why those fine, learned gentlemen at Top Gear called Mexican food “refried sick.” If England’s Mexican food offerings are anything like the ones here, chances are the Top Gear lads had just finished an order of beef and butter tacos from Sir Nigel’s Authentic Mexican Harbour before spouting their drivel.
Hell, even I think Mexican food is sick—at least as it’s interpreted by Taco Bell, Del Taco, Mighty Taco, Glowing Taco, and Freedom Pita Bell (i.e., what Arizona legislation will start calling Taco Bell). In fact, their renditions of Mexican food run counter to some very basic tenets of Mexican cuisine and culture:
- The only time there should be anything yellow on a taco is when you’re serving them on yellow plates.
- Mexicans never spray sour cream on anything except walls.
- Contrary to what Old El Paso says, Mexicans never really worried about OSHA-compliant tacos.
- And, trust me on this one, no Mexican ever said, “Quick, let’s slather some dog food in between two tortillas, drown it in a yellow glowing substance, and call it a Mexican Pizza!”
And yet, it seems I’m one of 14 people in the world who thinks this fake Mexican food is disgusting. (It’s only blind speculation, but I’m guessing the financial success of Taco Bell has something to do with people actually liking Mexican Pizza.) Which wouldn’t be a problem—except that it’s trained most people to dislike real Mexican food because they don’t recognize it.
I actually prefer a good cemita.
I once made authentic tostadas for a potluck dinner. It’s a specialty of mine, so I went the whole nine yards. I fried tortillas to crispy perfection. I had seasoned, shredded chicken and non-yellow queso fresco. I even made my famous, controversial guacamole! But my all-white colleagues, alarmed by the lack of spray-on sour cream and toxic sludge nacho cheese, hardly touched any of it. Conversely, years later, when I made more conventional nachos for another potluck, you’d think I was serving $100 bills the way people practically inhaled them.
Now, not even Mexicans are resistant to the power of nacho cheese. A few years ago, a group of Mexicans from Guadalajara opened up a restaurant here in the Metro Detroit area. I blissfully thought, “Finally! Real Mexicans making real Mexican food!” Alas, the owners, knowing what Americans really wanted, offered ‘authentic’ dishes that glowed in the dark. Yay.
Tex-Mex and Southwestern cuisines represent culinary hybrids where things like yellow cheese and ground beef are socially acceptable. And that’s fine. What’s not fine is for places like Taco Bell to appropriate and crappify Mexican cuisine, and still call it Mexican food. They do a disservice to Mexican cuisine, and to anyone who will forever think tacos are supposed to be crunchy and indigestible. So why not instead call it Creative Liberties Mexican Food, or Americanized Glow-in-the-Dark Globbification Cuisine Loosely Based On True Mexican Cuisine?
Hey, it’d make a pretty catchy jingle.
To learn more about Ulises, visit Digital Decaf.
______________________________________________________________
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those
of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
About Being Latino Contributors
Your story reminds me of the time I ordered Cuban Black Beans in Nashville and they came with a huge dollop of sour cream. I almost died….I was indignant. And then, after years of saying “Don’t put sour cream on my beans” I got into it. I imagine my abuela in heaven slapping her fat hand against her head, agast.
I so agree with everything that you say. We have treat days at work and I too have brought in some REAL AUTHENTIC MEXICAN food to work ask with this gross look on their face…..”what’ this?” Needless to say I prefer to go buy something from the store because that’s what they are so used to.
Very sad!! No saven de lo que se pierden. Nimodo
I would LOVE to try authentic Mexican food! Where can we find it in metro-Detroit? Although, can I find some that doesn’t burn my pallet (I simply can’t eat food with hot hot spices.)? And, are there any authentic restaurants in Detroit’s Mexicantown?
So true.
LOL I vote for Americanized Glow-in-the-Dark Globbification Cuisine Loosely Based On True Mexican Cuisine ! It’s catchy!
lol. I have a miniature Taco Bell dog who says “Yo quiero Taco Bell” when you press his belly.
Other than that, I avoid places like that, but Americanized Glow-in-the-Dark Globbification Cuisine Loosely Based On True Mexican Cuisine also gets my vote.
LOL! Well, I think all of us, sooner or later, are helpless to resist the power of dairy products.
Deveras que no! Look on the bright side: they save us the work of cooking ^_^
Why hello, Blesssed ^_^ The moment I find authentic food in Metro Detroit, I’ll let you know. There may be some in the non-touristy part of Mexicantown, but I’ll have to get back to you on that. Tons of them out in Chicago, though. By the way, we need to have lunch some time. I brought you a magnet from Utah ^^
I can totally see that on a highway billboard…
I hated that dog ^___^;
Methinks we need to get a petition going, then, to rename that cuisine…
Hace tiempo que una amiga Mexicana me invito a su casa y me cocino unas tostadas de pollo con queso fresco. No le puso nada picante pero tenian un sabor riquisimo por lo fresco que estaban. Eran un poco como tlatyudas sin el chorizo. Otra amiga me hizo un pozole que nunca se me olvido. Ni una de ellas utilizo quezo amarillo y ingredientes sinteticas. Mis amigas de sus pueblitos cocinan todo fresco y sin echarle nada sintetico. Entre mas personas empiezen a comer organico, mas aceptable va a ser the comida Latina autentica.
We’re sooooooo lucky in California. There’s excellent choices for real Mexican in just about any town here (well, maybe not the remote ones in the Sierras, or the Forests, but if a city has more than 1000 people, it’s a sure bet).
Most everybody here knows the difference between “Taco Hell” and “Real Mexican.”
So, that’s another reason we put up with the earthquakes.
I have yet to bow down to sour cream. It does not belong on food! I have a heart attack when I order maduros somewhere and they bring it out with sour cream… what the F?!?! Maybe they eat that somewhere else, but not in my monte!