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The pediatric immigration experience

05/26/2011 By Leave a Comment

by Maitri Pamo

I was approximately the age that my daughter is now when my parents immigrated here. A toddler, I was no more aware of the bravery and hope in my parents’ decision to come than they were of the difficult roadmap their journey would delineate for our family. Our nuclear unit, bereft of extended family and burdened by a paucity of friends, struggled under the tension of parents who sought to keep their children in a familiar cultural context and our desire to acculturate into the dominant society. It was not easy.  My parents did not understand the true nature of the problem and were unable to counsel or engage us meaningfully in discussion of our intergenerational conflict. The effects of the tension persist today.

Immigrant parents, particularly those with limited, marketable skill sets, often must work long hours to ensure the economic security of the family. The absence of one or both parents in the home is a stressor for children who seek stability and parental attention and involvement. The estrangement caused by this separation can lead to resentment on the part of the child who does not understand why the overworked parent is cantankerous when she or he is finally at home. The resultant feeling of emotional isolation served to blunt openness between my parents and myself. They regarded the long hours they worked as proof of their love. I viewed their absence and subsequent ill humor as proof of my burden on them.  They expected to continue the strict authoritarian dynamic they had experienced between child and parent. I chafed at their expectations of complete obeisance when my emotional needs were not being met.

Despite their attempts to exert complete control at home, in the outside world, I was quickly becoming the authority. As my mastery of English progressed, surpassing their abilities, they often deferred to me as the interface between them and society. The cognitive dissonance of being the submissive child at home, but the needed spokesperson and emerging specialist in dealing with all things “gringo” outside of it was confusing. Unsettling also was observing my parents, so demanding of respect from their children, epitomizing the “mande” mindset in their dealings with others. The dichotomy clearly eroded their authority in my eyes and the resultant conflicts between us were detrimental to all. They were offended by my audacity and I exulted in my power.

How valuable it would have been to have had an intermediary, an emotional translator between parent and child. I was fortunate to have been born a self motivator, but it is plausible that many children faced with this type of conflict turn instead to less productive and possibly dangerous coping mechanisms. We as a community need to find a way to identify and support families in turmoil. Is that not the essence of being a community? We need all of us to strive and succeed.  Who knows?  The next Einstein could turn out to be a Garcia!

Contributor, Maitri Pamo

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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those
of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.

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About Maitri Pamo

Matri was born in Guatemala City and emigrated to the U.S. with her parents when she was a toddler. Her childhood years were spent in Washington D.C. She was fortunate to have been aided and encouraged to apply to a great school in Virginia by a teacher who saw a spark in her when she taught her in the DC public school system. Maitri was disadvantaged in that she then became the only Latina in her class for many years. When it came time to go to college, she left for New York City, the place of her childhood dreams, to attend Barnard College, Columbia University. She graduated with a degree in Foreign Area Studies, with a concentration in Latin America. When she finally realized what she wanted to do professionally, she enrolled in three extra years of undergraduate coursework in order to fulfill the requirements for application to veterinary medical school. She graduated from the Virginia-Maryland Regional College of Veterinary Medicine with a degree of Doctor of Veterinary Medicine.

In addition to her professional life, a life she finds not only rewarding but constantly challenging, Maitri is a wife and a mother of three young children. She is an activist, interested in furthering knowledge, participating and directly involving herself in the areas of human and non human animal rights and environmentalism. She tries to engage in the world around her to influence it as much as she can to help secure a healthy, peaceful living environment for her children and all other living beings on the planet. She is a benevolent misanthrope, a polyglot, a lover of travel. She has wild plans of obtaining a law degree when her children are older. She is currently practicing emergency medicine and volunteers her services wherever they are needed.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.

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